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83 of 89 (93%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 13 Feb, 2023 @ 12:49am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 13 Feb, 2023 @ 4:45am

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 13 Feb, 2023 @ 12:15am

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked 30 Jul, 2023 @ 11:00am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 13 Feb, 2023 @ 12:35am

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 13 Feb, 2023 @ 3:27am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 13 Feb, 2023 @ 4:34am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 14 Feb, 2023 @ 6:00am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 15 Feb, 2023 @ 9:47am

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked 15 Feb, 2023 @ 11:21pm

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked 20 Feb, 2023 @ 11:41am

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked 21 Feb, 2023 @ 1:21am

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
Unlocked 20 Feb, 2023 @ 10:12am

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 19 Feb, 2023 @ 6:45am

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked 12 Feb, 2024 @ 9:41am

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
Unlocked 25 Sep, 2024 @ 7:54am

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 18 Feb, 2023 @ 7:14am

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked 23 Feb, 2023 @ 8:29am

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
Unlocked 25 Sep, 2024 @ 7:50am

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 14 Feb, 2023 @ 5:40am

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.
Unlocked 25 Feb, 2024 @ 10:39pm

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 14 Feb, 2023 @ 11:44pm

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Unlocked 9 Dec, 2023 @ 7:04am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 18 Feb, 2023 @ 8:34am

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 26 Feb, 2023 @ 11:15am

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 13 Feb, 2023 @ 12:37am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 15 Feb, 2023 @ 11:11pm

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 18 Feb, 2023 @ 6:00am

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 12 Dec, 2023 @ 11:47am

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 19 Feb, 2023 @ 7:49am

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Unlocked 21 Feb, 2023 @ 12:37am

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.
Unlocked 24 Feb, 2024 @ 8:52am

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
Unlocked 24 Feb, 2024 @ 8:52am

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)
Unlocked 29 Feb, 2024 @ 12:37am

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.
Unlocked 28 Feb, 2024 @ 11:47pm

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.
Unlocked 28 Feb, 2024 @ 11:47pm

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked 16 Feb, 2023 @ 12:00pm

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 13 Feb, 2023 @ 12:15am

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 23 Feb, 2023 @ 8:50am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 17 Feb, 2023 @ 9:46am

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2023 @ 12:15am

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Unlocked 20 Feb, 2023 @ 11:26am

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 25 Sep, 2024 @ 7:01am

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 25 Sep, 2024 @ 7:05am

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 18 Feb, 2023 @ 8:15am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 13 Feb, 2023 @ 3:33am

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 13 Feb, 2023 @ 3:29am

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Unlocked 13 Feb, 2023 @ 4:26am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 13 Feb, 2023 @ 12:17am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 15 Feb, 2023 @ 12:00am

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 13 Feb, 2023 @ 12:53am

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 16 Feb, 2023 @ 12:29pm

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 23 Feb, 2023 @ 9:55am

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Unlocked 24 Feb, 2024 @ 8:55am

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.
Unlocked 15 Mar, 2023 @ 11:40am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 15 Feb, 2023 @ 11:20pm

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked 25 Feb, 2024 @ 10:41pm

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.
Unlocked 24 Feb, 2024 @ 5:27am

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.
Unlocked 24 Feb, 2024 @ 5:18am

SCREW that game!

Found the hidden copy of POSTAL III and peed on it.
Unlocked 25 Sep, 2024 @ 7:50am

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.
Unlocked 15 Mar, 2023 @ 12:12pm

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 15 Mar, 2023 @ 11:24am

John Rambo'd!

Made a very long killing spree.
Unlocked 27 Sep, 2024 @ 3:51am

Gary vs. The K. Man

Discovered the Gary vs. Krotchy arena during the Apocalypse.
Unlocked 25 Sep, 2024 @ 9:16am

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
Unlocked 10 Dec, 2023 @ 8:58am

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.
Unlocked 21 Feb, 2023 @ 1:24am

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked 6 Mar, 2024 @ 12:11am

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.
Unlocked 6 Mar, 2024 @ 10:49pm

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.
Unlocked 8 Mar, 2024 @ 4:17am

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.
Unlocked 12 Mar, 2024 @ 11:42pm

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.
Unlocked 13 Mar, 2024 @ 11:23am

Ape Gape

Escaped the Animal Control Center with all monkeys alive.
Unlocked 6 Mar, 2024 @ 8:33am

Dick Message

Wasted no time with the Wise Wang.
Unlocked 26 Sep, 2024 @ 9:51am

PooMasher

Bought the toilet paper instead of stealing it.
Unlocked 27 Sep, 2024 @ 4:21am

Hobo Sexual

Collected money for charity without stealing from Zack Ward.
Unlocked 27 Sep, 2024 @ 5:47am

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.
Unlocked 9 Mar, 2024 @ 9:44am

Ladies Love Cake

Defeated your hateful ex-wife with delicious cake.
Unlocked 27 Sep, 2024 @ 6:43am

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
Unlocked 27 Sep, 2024 @ 4:09am

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
Unlocked 27 Sep, 2024 @ 4:38am

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
Unlocked 27 Sep, 2024 @ 4:23am

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
Unlocked 27 Sep, 2024 @ 6:11am

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Unlocked 18 Feb, 2023 @ 10:57pm

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!
Unlocked 18 Feb, 2023 @ 7:06am



Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
+1

1 hidden achievement remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked