'Cause he's my best friend, he's my pal. He's my homeboy, my rotten soldier. He's my sweet cheese. My good-time boy.

I spent a few of my younger years with Sigmund Freud while he was using cocaine and working on his theory that all neurosis is derived from what he called 'hand envy.' I remember taking a steam bath with the chap and my towel accidentally dropped and he caught sight of my rather generous John Thomas. He shrieked 'Eureka,' and then came up with 'penis envy.' Or what I like to call, 'wanting of the wang'.

Listen, I don't know about you, but I'm very much in the mood for some sexual intercourse.

She speaks the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.

What kind of goat sorcery is this?

She said that my pornos were boring, which is an unbelievable reaction. I showed her a century's worth of my pornos. That's a lot of porn. I don't think she followed the plots.

Why aren't they wearing capes? Looks like anyone can be a vampire in Mana-hatta.

And we are truly sorry, and we are taking this very seriously, and these are our serious faces. Serious. Serious. Serious.

I was doing the bloody disco a hundred years before any other ♥♥♥♥♥♥.

I have recently rediscovered my love for topiary sculpture: the art of bush manipulation.

Well, I'm the boss... Head Honcho. El Numero Uno. Mr. Big. The Godfather. Lord of the Rings. The Bourne... Identity. Er... Taxi Driver. Jaws. I forgot the question quite a while back. Who are you, again?

FAAAAAAAATHHHHEEEEEERRRR

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ these electric sex pants.

You used to be a man?! I thought you said you were from Iran...

Take that, Lollipop man!