Attention all children on the nice list! I'm one of Santa's elves and I'm here to deliver a message from him. There seems to have been a mishap up here in the North Pole and everybody's addresses got all mixed up! To help Santa, he needs you to send me your full address, as well as a specific time everybody in your household is asleep or out of the house (that way Santa doesn't get seen by nosey little children)! Also, Santa wanted me to mention that he's eaten too many of Mrs. Clause's cookies and won't be able to fit down the chimneys this year, so make sure your front door is unlocked so Santa can deliver your presents!

This guy drives a Tesla

Luke, did I ever tell you about Ahsoka Tano? She was your father’s exotic teenage alien apprentice, a fine piece of jailbait from a more civilized age. She had the tightest body and the perkiest little breasts in the galaxy; barely legal in most systems.

Anakin and I used to doubleteam her at the end of every successful campaign during the Clone Wars, and once in a while we’d even have the entire 501st run a train over her, part of official Jedi “training” of course. In time, she learned how to handle a meatsaber better than anyone in the Jedi Temple. She wore a miniskirt every day so we told her there were no panties in space, and since she was constantly doing acrobatics you’d get a glimpse of her orange ♥♥♥♥♥ mid fight as she’d do a flip while slicing a B2 Super Battledroid in half. It was surreal.

We taught her to grip her weapon backwards like a dildo and she constantly got captured by pirates and slavers almost every other day. It was ridiculous, like a constant porno Luke, you have no idea. And she was a good friend.

(Up in da club)
Where you chillin' for the summer, homie?
(Up in da club)
Jumpin' out the stretch Hummer runnin'
(Up in da club)
Fly ladies from wall to wall
(Up in da club)
With my beats I'm fadin' all-a y'all
(Up in da club)
Can a playa spend his double life
(Up in da club)
Before she shank me with a butter knife
(Up in da club)
Upper level or a lower life
(Up in da club)
Still the same be where we go inside