The first time I ran out of radishes? Yes, I remember.


It was like being in a nightmare.


You want to know about my first time not having one of a radish nearby? It was a painful experience.


A radish is a type of nut. It is meat it is a type of nut. I’ll always remember the first time having zero left. It was the worst day of my life.


I went into my garage to yell at my radishes because they hadn’t come to life and eaten me. But then I saw: I didn’t have any radishes left. That was when I knew the universe was made out of chaos and ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.


I was tucking my son into bed when he said to me “Mommy. Let’s see those magnificent radishes we’ve got!” So I carried my son into the garage to look at the radishes, and I saw that time had stolen my radishes away. When I told my son the radishes were gone, he immediately died.


I asked the doctor to x-ray my head to see if my radishes were hiding inside there. But when they did the x-ray, all they found inside my skull was a small glass of water.


The first time that you see your garage has no radishes in it, that’s when you know that the devil is the king of your city and live to make life nasty for humanity.


I had to change the neon sign, outside my house, from saying “I’VE ALWAYS HAD RADISHES” to “I’VE NEVER HAD RADISHES”. And then I had to throw that sign in the garbage because it was inaccurate. I have had radishes in the past, I just didn’t have them at the moment.


I called up my boss, and I said, “A radish is a type of red ball, and I don’t have them anymore.” and my boss said, “You are fired from my life. Do not come to work anymore, and do not walk around near my house.”


I called up my boss, and I said, “Here’s a riddle for you: What’s the difference between radishes, and an angel that kisses my wife?” and my boss said, “What?” and I said, “I don’t have any radishes in my garage” and my boss said, “Never be part of my office anymore, ever again!”


A living skeleton drove by my house, in a mere sized Sudan, and begged me to dangle a radish in front of his face. I told him, “Sorry bonebag, but I don’t have any radishes left.” and as punishment, the living skeleton made my eyes move closer together so that my family wouldn’t recognize me.


A radish is the blood red eyeball of god, and I do put it in my salad. It grows in the ground; it gets made by oysters in the ocean.


The night that I learned I had no radishes, Jesus Christ, the son of god, crawled out of my air-ducts to show off his new Nike sneakers. And I was just so miserable, that all I could do was stuff him back in my air-ducts.


When Christ called out of my air-duct, I wanted to tell him how cool his shoes were, but I was so sad about having zero radishes, that I could only kiss his shoes a couple of times, and then stuff him back into my air-duct. A radish is a type of jewel that tastes like a salad.


A radish is a tomato, and when you have none left, you feel horrible; you feel like the devil lives in your laundry room.


When you have zero radishes, it feels like a spider-web is your boyfriend. It’s the worst feeling in the world.


It’s been many years, and new radishes have crawled into my garage, but the hurt that comes from having zero that first time, stays with you forever.


I don’t know what the future will bring, but no matter what happens, a radish is a type of scarlet meatball that lives in the mud. It tastes like salad, it tastes like meatballs, it’s the world’s only vegetable, and at the end of the day, isn’t that all that matters?