Any female born after 1993 can't cook. All they know is McDonald's, charge they phone, twerk, be bisexual, eat hot chip, and lie.

​This country is full of morons, Americans are getting dumber by the day. Because all they want to do is look at their cellphones, and search for Pokemons – they’re just silly. All they want is to see what their friends ate for dinner on the internet.

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The first time I masterbated I was all alone with a Venus Fly-Trap, and I said to myself "You know what, I want this Venus Fly-Trap, to become a Penis Fly-Trap" and then I laughed at my own hilarious and witty pun for sever minutes. After that I said to the Venus Fly-Trap "Hey buddy, you know what's about to happen?" and he was like "I can't speak or think because I'm a plant." and I was like "Wow whatever that's cool bro." and then I shoved my ♥♥♥♥ right down it's throat and it started sucking on it and I was like "yeah, yeah, wait no, this was a terrible idea, this is so painful, this was awful, why did I do this?" and that's the story of how my ♥♥♥♥ got bit off by a Penis Fly-Trap.

"A nu chiki-briki i v damki!"
"One, two – you’re on top!"

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