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2) Vaporeon's hp stat doesn't mean ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥, because it's defence stat is absolute GARBAGE. Umbreon is already the better choice in this regard, having 95/110 Hp and defence compared to Vaporeons 130/65.
3) In the anime, when Vaporeon uses acid armor, it turns into water. You can't ♥♥♥♥ water.
5) All of those moves listed have a ton of pitfalls associated with them. First of all, baby-doll eyes, captivate and charm all lower your attack/special attack, making you less capable of having the "rough sex" you claim vaporeon is so good at. Second, knowing a move like attract isn't special at all, as nearly every pokemon can learn attract through a TM, even genderless pokemon such as cryogonal. Thirdly, you just listed FIVE MOVES. Pokemon can only learn FOUR.
⣿⣿⢱⣶⣭⡻⢿⠿⣛⣛⣛⠸⣮⡻⣿⣿⡿⢛⣭⣶⣆⢿⣿
⣿⡿⣸⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⣭⣛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣥⣾⣿⣿⣿⡷⣽⣿
⣿⡏⣾⣿⣿⡿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿
⣿⣧⢻⣿⡟⣰⡿⠁⢹⣿⣿⣿⣋⣴⠖⢶⣝⢻⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿
⠩⣥⣿⣿⣴⣿⣇⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⢰⣿⠇⣿⣭⣼⠍⣿
⣿⡖⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣭⣭⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡔⣾⣿
⣿⡡⢟⡛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣝⣨⣝⣡⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⢟⣛⣫⣼⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡷⠝⢿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⡩⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣯⡔⢛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣍⣨⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⡿⢫⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣝⣿
⣿⣿⢱⣶⣭⡻⢿⠿⣛⣛⣛⠸⣮⡻⣿⣿⡿⢛⣭⣶⣆⢿⣿
⣿⡿⣸⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⣭⣛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣥⣾⣿⣿⣿⡷⣽⣿
⣿⡏⣾⣿⣿⡿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿
⣿⣧⢻⣿⡟⣰⡿⠁⢹⣿⣿⣿⣋⣴⠖⢶⣝⢻⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿
⠩⣥⣿⣿⣴⣿⣇⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⢰⣿⠇⣿⣭⣼⠍⣿
⣿⡖⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣭⣭⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡔⣾⣿
⣿⡡⢟⡛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣝⣨⣝⣡⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⢟⣛⣫⣼⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡷⠝⢿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⡩⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣯⡔⢛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣍⣨⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⡿⢫⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣝⣿
⣿⣿⢱⣶⣭⡻⢿⠿⣛⣛⣛⠸⣮⡻⣿⣿⡿⢛⣭⣶⣆⢿⣿
⣿⡿⣸⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⣭⣛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣥⣾⣿⣿⣿⡷⣽⣿
⣿⡏⣾⣿⣿⡿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿
⣿⣧⢻⣿⡟⣰⡿⠁⢹⣿⣿⣿⣋⣴⠖⢶⣝⢻⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿
⠩⣥⣿⣿⣴⣿⣇⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⢰⣿⠇⣿⣭⣼⠍⣿
⣿⡖⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣭⣭⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡔⣾⣿
⣿⡡⢟⡛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣝⣨⣝⣡⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⢟⣛⣫⣼⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡷⠝⢿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⡩⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣯⡔⢛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣍⣨⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⡿⢫⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣝⣿
⣿⣿⢱⣶⣭⡻⢿⠿⣛⣛⣛⠸⣮⡻⣿⣿⡿⢛⣭⣶⣆⢿⣿
⣿⡿⣸⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⣭⣛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣥⣾⣿⣿⣿⡷⣽⣿
⣿⡏⣾⣿⣿⡿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿
⣿⣧⢻⣿⡟⣰⡿⠁⢹⣿⣿⣿⣋⣴⠖⢶⣝⢻⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿
⠩⣥⣿⣿⣴⣿⣇⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⢰⣿⠇⣿⣭⣼⠍⣿
⣿⡖⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣭⣭⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡔⣾⣿
⣿⡡⢟⡛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣝⣨⣝⣡⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⢟⣛⣫⣼⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡷⠝⢿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⡩⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣯⡔⢛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣍⣨⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⡿⢫⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣝⣿
⣿⣿⢱⣶⣭⡻⢿⠿⣛⣛⣛⠸⣮⡻⣿⣿⡿⢛⣭⣶⣆⢿⣿
⣿⡿⣸⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⣭⣛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣥⣾⣿⣿⣿⡷⣽⣿
⣿⡏⣾⣿⣿⡿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿
⣿⣧⢻⣿⡟⣰⡿⠁⢹⣿⣿⣿⣋⣴⠖⢶⣝⢻⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿
⠩⣥⣿⣿⣴⣿⣇⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⢰⣿⠇⣿⣭⣼⠍⣿
⣿⡖⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣭⣭⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡔⣾⣿
⣿⡡⢟⡛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣝⣨⣝⣡⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⢟⣛⣫⣼⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡷⠝⢿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⡩⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣯⡔⢛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣍⣨⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⡿⢫⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣝⣿
⣿⣿⢱⣶⣭⡻⢿⠿⣛⣛⣛⠸⣮⡻⣿⣿⡿⢛⣭⣶⣆⢿⣿
⣿⡿⣸⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⣭⣛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣥⣾⣿⣿⣿⡷⣽⣿
⣿⡏⣾⣿⣿⡿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿
⣿⣧⢻⣿⡟⣰⡿⠁⢹⣿⣿⣿⣋⣴⠖⢶⣝⢻⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿
⠩⣥⣿⣿⣴⣿⣇⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⢰⣿⠇⣿⣭⣼⠍⣿
⣿⡖⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣭⣭⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡔⣾⣿
⣿⡡⢟⡛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣝⣨⣝⣡⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⢟⣛⣫⣼⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡷⠝⢿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⡩⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣯⡔⢛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣍⣨⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⡿⢫⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣝⣿
。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ 。 ° 。 ° 。
• ˚ ˚ ˛ * ★MERRY★ *
˛ • • 。CHRISTMAS • ˚ ˚ • ˚ ˚ ˚ ˚
。* ★• ˚ ˚ • ˚ ˚ ˚ ˚ ★ • ˚ ˚
˛ *__Π___*。* ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • ˚ ˚
*/______/~\。˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛
*|田田 . .|門| ˚
¯˜"*°••°*"˜¯`´¯˜"*°••°*"˜¯` ´¯˜"*°*"˜¯`´¯˜"*°
║╚╝║══║═║═║╚╝║ ☆¸.•° •.¸☆
║╔╗║╔╗║╔╣╔╩╗╔╝ ★ NEW YEAR ☆
╚╝╚╩╝╚╩╝╚╝═╚╝
☆ ★ ☆¨`*•..¸ ¸.•*¨` ☆ ★ ☆
╭━━━╮╭━━━╮╱╭╮╱╭━━━╮
┃╭━╮┃┃╭━╮┃╭╯┃╱┃╭━╮┃
╰╯╭╯┃┃┃┃┃┃╰╮┃╱┃╰━╯┃
╭━╯╭╯┃┃┃┃┃╱┃┃╱╰━━╮┃
┃┃╰━╮┃╰━╯┃╭╯╰╮┃╰━╯┃
╰━━━╯╰━━━╯╰━━╯╰━━━╯....with
…….…………………….¸„-^"¯ :\_ / o '"*'"¯/' WOOF WOOF
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**¯¯¯'^^~-„„„----~^*'"¯ : : : : : : : : : :¸-"
.:.:.:.:.„-^" : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :- GIVE THIS CUTE DOG
:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.: : : : : : : : : : ¸„-^¯ TO PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT
.::.:.:.:.:.:.:.:. : : : : : : : ¸„„-^¯
:.' : : '\ : : : : : : : ;¸„„-~"¯
:.:.:: :"-„""***/*'ì¸'¯
:.': : : : :"-„ : : :"\
.:.:.: : : : :" : : : : \,
:.': : : : :"-„ : : :"\
.:.:.: : : : :" : : : : \,
:.: : : : : : : : : : : : 'Ì
: : : : : : :, : : : : : :/
"-„_::::_„-*__„„~""
⠀⠀⠀⠰⡿⠿⠛⠛⠻⠿⣷
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣤⣄⣀⡀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⡛⠿⠷
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠿⠿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⠇
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠁
⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣷⣄⠀⢶⣶⣷⣶⣶⣤⣀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠻⠗
⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⣤⣴⣶⡄
⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣥⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠛⠃
⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄
⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁
⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁
⠀⠀⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉
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