*moans aggressively in your ear*

I once cam home to find this man in my house ****ing my father while high on opioids and heating up his black tar heroin after which he invited my mother into his ***ual games and had her sit on his face until he passed out claiming it was his kink not to shame him but he latter was suffocated by my mothers 60kg ass cheeks

this boi kept me warm at night during our crusades together, i cannot think of a more loyal brother in christ, unfortunately he dabbles in such heretic weeb ways that only from our nights spent together that i can forget about such heresy

I caught this guy ♥♥♥♥ing my girlfriend last week. I’m still ♥♥♥♥♥♥ about it but there’s nothing I can do. She loves him. I knew she was acting weird because she kept staying out late and coming home with taco sauce on her blouse. During sex she’d scream to give her my five dollar foot long, but I’m only 3 inches and five dollars is way too much for what I’m giving. One day I came home to find her getting plowed against the wall by this dude. He had her hair in one hand and a taco bell cheesy gordita crunch in the other. I tried to fight him, but he slapped me so hard it broke every window in the house. This dude’s a stone cold pimp and I can’t do anything to hurt him, so I can only hope he breaks her heart one day like she broke mine.

+rep this guy is an odd one, one moment we were playing a good ol' game of uno next minute he had me by the throat and began unzipping his pants, in a panic i went to slap him across the face but he was simply too strong. he leaned into my ear and said "i hope you're as tight as my dad"to which i projectile vomited into his face which then prompted him to do the same, the sheer amount of vomit was too much for him to handle and we agreed to forget about it if we stopped and cleaned up all the vomit, which he then strangely stored in inflatable pool toys in his freezer. This was documented by ASIO after they raided his house, its true just google "Frozen Inflation"

After a good game in csgo, i added him because he seemed like a cool guy. We got chatting, over the next couple of months we became good friends. Lots of banter, lots of great CS and most importantly true friendship.
I invited him to my house for a csgo lan party. He said he was coming so i was looking forward to meeting him in real life.
When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear, i felt his hard ♥♥♥♥ push against my leg. I punched him and then 1 tapped him. Turns out he was gay. Don't trust this guy.