Me Fortress 2

*feel free to reverse the sexes as necessary

Lately I have found myself unable to perform in bed. It's not that I cant instantly sweet talk a woman's panties off and cause her to sweat profusely from the vagina. That skill is pitch perfect. Rather once I've got her begging for my Peter Rabbit's Carrot I am unable to get hard, I turn away from the golden goddess or the whorable ♥♥♥♥♥ that lies in my bed too ashamed to satisfy her sexual desires. I walk out of the room, pretending i dont feel well, and slump on the couch with a bottle in hand and a bong in the other while i hear the sobs of the woman who has just had the most life fulfilling experience dangled in front of her and then ripped away.

One night after bringing a cute slut home i perform oral sex in an attempt to hid my impotence, though like any rational human being, she begs me to stick my Curious George's Banana many fathoms into her (this line is really quite genius. because fathoms is a measurement of water,and in this scene the woman is so worked up that i need to use measure her vagina fluids). Again i slap myself and walk out of the room.

While i sit i start to think of a time when i didnt have this curse, the days of Hurt Feelings. My mind wanders through the memories of airshots and ubers. The way Decoy's heal beam invigorates me and calms my nerves, Fox's meatshots and easy voice, Rev's rollouts and terrible aim, Gilburt's dynamism and weird pictures, and of course my beautiful airshots shooting out of the long barrel of my rocket launcher, What's New ♥♥♥♥♥ Cat. I feel it, the sense that i had lost, my mojo yeah baby. I rush back into the room and flip the ♥♥♥♥♥ on her stomach and pound away. I her the voices of the free mumble from the russian website, the laughs, the good times, the bad times, the hard times. I finish all over her back, not a spec of skin or hair is visible. I walk back to the couch with a bottle in hand and a bong in the other. We may have been 4-4, but we are always number 1. Happy Holidays, ♥♥♥♥♥ and cocaine.

- SocialistFish