We all praise Shia LaBeouf!

You're walking in the woods
There's no one around and your phone is dead
Out of the corner of your eye you spot him:
Shia LaBeouf.


He's following you, about 30 feet back

He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint
He's gaining on you

Shia LaBeouf


You're looking for you car but you're all turned around

He's almost upon you now

and you can see there's blood on his face

My God, there's blood everywhere!


Running for you life (from Shia LaBeouf)

He's brandishing a knife (It's Shia LaBeouf)

Lurking in the shadows

Hollywood superstar Shia LaBeouf


Living in the woods (Shia LaBeouf)

Killing for sport (Shia LaBeouf)

Eating all the bodies

Actual cannibal Shia LaBeouf


Now it's dark and you seem to have lost him

but you're hopelessly lost yourself

Stranded with a murderer

you creep silently through the underbrush


Aha! In the distance

A small cottage with a light on

Hope! You move stealthily toward it

but your leg! Ah! It's caught in a bear trap!


Gnawing off your leg (Quiet, quiet)

Limping to the cottage (Quiet, quiet)

Now you're on the doorstep

Sitting inside: Shia LaBeouf


Sharpening an axe (Shia LaBeouf)

But he doesn't hear you enter (Shia LaBeouf)

You're sneaking up behind him

Strangling superstar Shia LaBeouf


Fighting for your life with Shia LaBeouf

Wrestling a knife from Shia LaBeouf

Stab him in his kidney

Safe at last from Shia LaBeouf


You limp into the dark woods

blood oozing from your stump leg

But you have won; you have beaten

Shia LaBeouf


Wait! He isn't dead (Shia surprise)

There's a gun to your head and death in his eyes

But you can do Jis Jitsu


Body slam superstar Shia LaBeouf

Legendary fight with Shia LaBeouf

Normal Tuesday night for Shia LaBeouf

You try to swing an axe at Shia Labeouf


But blood is draining fast from your stump leg

He's dodging every swipe, he parries to the left

You counter to the right, you catch him in the neck

You're chopping his head now

You have just decapitated Shia Labeouf


His head Topples to the floor, expressionless

You fall to your knees and catch your breath

You're finally safe from Shia Labeouf ...