All Hail Ro-wern!

Ro-wern is our lord and master!
We offer up ourselves entirely to him!
Shine your light upon the path ahead oh mighty Ro-wern for we are nothing but mere mortals and do not know the way!

The Ten Holy Wernmandments:

1. Thou shalt pledge thine PEELZ unto the almighty Wern. (when playing L4D)

2. Thou shalt respect Pedobear whilst in the mighty Wern's presence.

3. Thou shalt use flail if thou runneth out of PP.

4. Thou shalt giveth all thy food that is asketh of by the holy Wern.

5. Thou shalt surrender thy arm to the Wern for the scribblin's.

6. Thou must observeth (and enjoyeth) any and all porn given unto you by the Wern.

7. Thou must always be excessively and inappropriately violent on a Sunday, the most holy of all days.

8. Thou must always pay homage to the mighty Wern's feet when in their presence. Perhaps with a special dance or blood sacrifice.

9. If thou faileth or disrespecteth the holy Wern, thou must suffer the consequence of the mighty Shoop.

10. Thou shalt covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt covet thy neighbour's wife, and his manservant, and his maidservant, and his ox, and his ass, and anything that is thy neighbour's. Thou shalt then stealeth and giveth them to the almighty Wern.

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The Bible of Wernology: Nixodus 6

30 March, 2010 - Lord_and_Saviour | 2 Comments

Nick spent the next few years sulking and listening to a combination of black metal and K-pop.
A familiar crack filled his ears.
“What is this ♥♥♥♥?! *incoherent mumbling* I don’t unjustly abuse you for nothing you know!” the Wern roared.
“What do you want from me? I’ve given you what you wanted, that THING and that baby. What more could I possibly give you?”
“Blargh, I dunno” the almighty Wern spoke showing a facial expression which even the greatest of transforming car/Buddha/nuns could ever hope to interpret.
“I’ve had enough of this!” Nick bellowed; his voice suddenly much more satanic than usual.
Black metal blasted from his earphones as his body began to crack and shudder. He let out a horrifying shriek, his body pulsating erratically, limbs elongated to great lengths speeding towards the Wern’s mighty face. The Wern reeled backwards, shaking his head in the process. A magnificent veil of dandruff covered the world, leaving a dandruff-y mist in its wake. Nick retracted his flexspandable arms to rethink his strategy.

The Bible of Wernology: Nixodus 5

30 March, 2010 - Lord_and_Saviour | 0 Comments

It was morning and Nick awoke covered in puke and various other bodily fluids, naturally. The sky was bright, the sun was shining and-
“OH MY GOD! WHAT THE F---!” Nick squealed.
The Vadger turned to him, smoking a cigar (from where?!). It gurgled something to the likes of
“Was it good for you too?”
Nick grabbed anything he could find to scrub himself clean with. A rock, microwavable pizza, a dead cat.
“Dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty!”
Turning around, he caught sight of the new born messiah, generally being awesome.
“What is going on!?” Nick sobbed loudly.
Suddenly, the baby began speaking in a posh British accent.
“Well good sir, you appear to have passed out after a passionate night of vomiting and adulterated sex. If you can call it that, seemed more to me like a good old fashioned crotch bashing”.
“Oh, well that explains everything” Nick said calmly. “I’ll go hang myself now”.
“Hmm, well before you do that, I could use a changing” the baby said, all of a sudden wearing a very expensive and fashionable top hat.