Deadlock

Deadlock

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"Deadlock: How to Lose Friends and Outplay Enemies (Accidentally)"
By SᴘɪᴅᴇʀCʟᴀᴡ ⚡
Deadlock, the fictional game we all dream Valve would make but totally doesn’t exist! You’ve either invented an imaginary Valve masterpiece or are referring to Team Fortress 2, Portal, or another Valve game with a mysterious twist. Either way, let's assume Deadlock is Valve’s new multiplayer FPS featuring chaos, physics, and betrayal. Let’s dive into this 100% real guide to mastering Deadlock, Valve’s latest “accidentally in beta forever” hit.
   
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Chapter 1: Welcome to Deadlock (Or, "Who Needs a Tutorial Anyway?")
Deadlock throws you into an intense multiplayer battlefield where teamwork is critical, betrayal is inevitable, and physics make absolutely no sense. The goal? Who knows. The point is to survive long enough to laugh, cry, and maybe pull off a ridiculous trick shot.

Deadlock 101: The Basics

Choose Your Class: You have four main classes to pick from:

Berserker: For those who think strategy is overrated.

Technomancer: Because hacking is cooler when sparks fly everywhere.

Supportoid: A glorified vending machine for healing items.

Tactitioneer: Basically a pro camper with a laser pointer.


Respawns Are… Complicated: You only respawn if your teammates don’t trigger the Deadlock, an absurdly convoluted game mechanic we’ll pretend to understand later.
Chapter 2: The Classes (Or, "Who Do You Want to Annoy the Most?")
Each class has unique weapons, skills, and abilities, but also plenty of hilarious drawbacks. Choose wisely—or randomly, it doesn’t matter.

1. Berserker

Playstyle: Rush into combat screaming and hope for the best.

Abilities:

Sledgehammer Slam: Smash the ground and accidentally send yourself flying.

Rage Mode: Boosts damage while shouting like a metal concert attendee.


Fun Fact: Berserkers can’t aim. Literally. Their guns only work if they’re hip-fired.



2. Technomancer

Playstyle: Deploy gadgets and traps, then cackle as enemies bumble into them.

Abilities:

Holo-Buddy: Deploys a decoy of yourself that’s twice as annoying.

EMP Grenade: Disables all electronics, including your team’s gear (oops).


Fun Fact: Technomancers can hack vending machines to spit out infinite snacks.



3. Supportoid

Playstyle: Heal teammates, drop shields, and accept blame when things go wrong.

Abilities:

Nano-Patch: Heals teammates in exchange for a small amount of your soul.

Portable Cover: Deploys a tiny shield that only works if everyone crouches awkwardly.


Fun Fact: You’re the first one enemies target because healing is apparently illegal.



4. Tactitioneer

Playstyle: Camp, snipe, and yell at teammates for not following your perfect plan.

Abilities:

Recon Drone: Flies around spotting enemies… until someone shoots it down.

Laser Barrage: Calls in an orbital strike but requires 20 seconds of vulnerable aiming.


Fun Fact: Tactitioneers have the most voice lines, 90% of which are sarcastic.
Chapter 3: Game Modes (Or, "What Are We Even Doing?")
Deadlock offers a variety of game modes, each more chaotic than the last.

1. Payload Mayhem

Escort a cart loaded with explosives, snacks, or a disco ball to the enemy’s base.

The cart moves faster when more teammates stand near it, but one enemy dancing on it slows it to a crawl.



2. Deadlock Control

Capture and hold a point while the floor randomly electrifies. Pro tip: Don’t stand still.



3. Capture the Glitch

Steal a randomly glitching object that teleports, screams, or explodes when carried.



4. Team Chaos (Free-for-All)

No teams. Just chaos. Randomized weapons every 30 seconds. Friendly fire is on.
Chapter 4: Maps (Or, "Where Physics Goes to Die")
1. Warehouse Wasteland

A sprawling map filled with conveyor belts, forklifts, and exploding barrels.

Pro Tip: Ride the conveyor belts to surprise enemies or launch yourself off a cliff.



2. Volcano Base

Lava pits, collapsing bridges, and giant fans that yeet you into orbit.

Fun Fact: The lava is bouncy. Falling in will fling you back out (into more lava).



3. Floating Fortress

A sky-high map with zero railings. Perfect for “accidental” teammate shoves.

Warning: Watch out for random wind gusts that yeet you off the map.
Chapter 5: The Deadlock Mechanic (Or, "Why Is This Happening?")
Deadlock’s titular mechanic is… complicated. Here’s the gist:

When both teams are tied or take too long to finish a match, the game enters Deadlock Mode.

Deadlock Mode activates random chaos effects, such as:

Gravity Shift: Up becomes down, and down becomes… somewhere else.

Bruce the Shark: A massive shark leaps across the map, biting players at random.

No Guns, Only Melee: Everyone’s weapons disappear, forcing hand-to-hand combat.



The first team to adapt (or survive) wins. Or nobody wins. Who knows? It’s chaos.
Chapter 6: Pro Tips (Or, "How to Succeed Without Really Trying")
1. Friendly Fire Is Always On

Accidentally shooting teammates is part of the experience. Laugh it off or blame lag.



2. Physics Are Your Friend

Use the environment to your advantage. Push enemies off cliffs, drop crates on them, or lure them into lava pits.



3. Don’t Trust Anyone

Teammates will betray you for power-ups. Enemies might temporarily ally with you to take down a mutual threat. Trust no one.



4. Spam the Voice Wheel

The voice lines are pure comedy gold. Spam “Thanks!” or “Oops!” to annoy everyone.
Chapter 7: Advanced Tactics (Or, "Winning Is Overrated")
1. The Sneaky Berserker

Pretend to be a Supportoid, then rush enemies screaming with your sledgehammer.



2. Tactical Camping

Set up traps near objectives and wait. You’re not lazy—you’re strategic.



3. Bruce Baiting

In Deadlock Mode, lure enemies into Bruce’s path. Bonus points if you emote afterward.
Final Words of Wisdom
Deadlock isn’t just a game; it’s an experience—a chaotic, physics-defying experience where teamwork, betrayal, and accidental hilarity collide. Embrace the madness, scream into the void, and remember: it’s not about winning. It’s about laughing at how everything went wrong.

Now get out there and Deadlock like a pro!
2 Comments
SᴘɪᴅᴇʀCʟᴀᴡ ⚡  [author] 6 hours ago 
Glad to hear that 😄
FreddyGas (MGE) 14 hours ago 
Thanks for that guide about Deadlock! I just learn "Deadlock" the game. From this explanation