Okay, so we're going to be doing some crazy stuff, so I think it fitting to have a section to start with.
First, this guide is segmented into the base game and the DLC. If you don't have the DLC (Which you should, you little potato), then just do the base game stuff. These sections are then further divided into easy and hard. I would recommend doing the easy stuff first, but if you want to knock out the hard stuff, be my guest.
Second, here's a list of stuff you should do before beginning on your absolute insane marathon of an achievement run:
1. Play the game and DLC if you haven't already. If you haven't play the DLC or Base Game yet, then don't look at this guide.
Play it, or else I'll break your kneecaps.
2. Go to Gabboro and get the meditation thing. You just need to go there, talk to him about how you're in a time loop, and then next loop, ask him "How do you stay so calm in the face of impending doom?".
3. Prep your mind for the absolute full-on mental assault you will endure. Also, make sure you have patience - Some of the stuff you're going to have to do will require multiple retries and stuff, so just remember how good it'll be to fully complete Outer Wilds.
Now, without further ado:
Lets begin.

This section is going to cover the easy (in my opinion) achievements in the base game. If you don't have the DLC, just do the Base Game Easy and Hard section. I will sort these achievements by planet. If it involves multiple planets or can be done on multiple planets, then I'll label the planets you need to go to. If it's just space, then I'll label it Space. If it can be done anywhere, I'll label it anywhere. Easy!


Mmmm, Carcinogens...
Burn 10 marshmallows and eat them. At least its implied that Gabboro just burns them and gets rid of them. You just... ew.

Hey, what's this button do?
When you're in your ship (And hopefully far away from the village), hold ALT to look around your ships interior while sitting. There'll be a small button on the bottom-right of your ships main console. Flip up the latch and press it. You had your suit on, right?

Cutting it Close
Use all your normal fuel. Your jetpack will switch over to using your oxygen tank as propellant. From here, you have to use most of your oxygen - Up to the 60 seconds warning - and then quickly board your ship. You could also just suffocate, too. Hold your breath now!

It was worth a shot + Harmonic Convergence
These two go hand in hand - Though, It was worth a shot will take quite a bit. Fly your ship away from the Sun (Any direction will work), and keep going. You need to be far enough out so that, when the time loop ends, you're not inside the supernova. I, personally, just got in my ship and started flying backwards right at the start of the loop. So, put the peddle to the floor, and you'll have more than enough time. If your ship tries to take you back to the system / Sun, just press X - It'll cancel it.
While doing this, just have your ships Signalscope active (Press Y to use the ship signalscope), tune it the Outer Wilds Ventures frequency and aim it at your system. Eventually, since you'll be so far away, all the planets will line up and you'll get all the astronauts playing at once! Congrats! Hope you brought extra snacks, though. This'll be a long ride.


You've met a terrible fate.
Okay, so, in my mind, this the easiest way to get this achievement:

• Land on Ember Twin, near the Gravity Cannon. There should be a small hole in a rock outcropping. This image shows exactly where it is. This is an easy entrance into the Sunless City.

• Once you're in the Sunless City, go all the way down until you get to the High Energy Lab doorway. From there, traverse your way through the twisting cave network until you get there.
  
• Once you've made it into the High Energy Lab, take the Black Hole and White Hole cores and insert them. Re-route the power by going up the stairs and pulling the ball into the slot that faces the observation chamber.
  
• If you now send your scout through, you'll see your scout pop out before it ever went into the Black Hole, which violates the laws of causality.
  
• This requires quick movement. Launch your scout towards the Black Hole and then pull one of the cores out - Doesn't matter which one.

You should now be seeing two scouts, which completely violates causality and creates a temporal paradox - The probe that came shouldn't be there, and since you have completely prevented your probe from going through, there are now two scouts. This action completely goes against all known laws and logic, fracturing and tearing space-time in a bunch of insane ways. You have destroyed the fabric of the universe. Nice going, hatching. Don't worry, though - You can still reload from the beginning of the cycle after you destroy the universe!

Rigidbody
There's this satellite in Timber Hearths orbit, it looks like a little white light - It'll fly over the village. Fly your ship up to it and get close - Don't crash into it at Mach 2! It doesn't really matter if the satellite hits Timber Hearth or goes deep space, you just need to change its orbit and you'll get the achievement. Hope that satellite didn't get any pictures of you knocking it out of orbit.

Gone in 60 Seconds
Jump onto the lift and jump off the launch pad. You die, and you get the achievement. Boom, easy! Hope you had linked up with the statue before doing that, though.

From the Hearth to the Moon
Okay, so this is somewhat easy - Go to Mica and use her model ship. Then, get the Attlerock in view; Fly your model ship up as soon as you see it. Keep your ship inline with the Attlerock and keep going. Eventually you'll hit it (Don't worry, you don't need to land. Though, I suppose crashing counts as landing). Mica didn't need that, did she?

Mica's Wrath
Good thing you're in a time loop; You already crashed Mica's model ship into the Attlerock! Get the Sun in view. Then, like you did with From the Hearth to the Moon, fly your model ship up as soon as you see the Sun! Keep your ship inline with the Sun and keep going. Eventually, you'll fly the model ship into the Sun, and you'll have ensured that your time loop will end with Mica stabbing you 27 times in the chest. What a nerd.


Die Hard
Okay, I recommend doing this achievement here, mainly because its just easy and close. Land your ship right next to Esker's campfire (and I mean RIGHT NEXT to his fire), and get ready to suffer, because while this is easy, its very, very boring.

• Jump onto Esker's fire with your suit on.
  
• Get your HP low (you can go to critical if you want, though it depends on how ballsy you are).
  
• Jump in ship and heal.
  
• Repeat until end of cycle.

Yeah. You can see why it's quite boring. And all the while, Esker most likely thinks you've got brain damage or something. But by the end, you'll have lost feeling in your legs! And keep doing it, even while the sun goes supernova! It isn't over until that Nomai Statue pops up!


Pchooooooo!
You know those gravity cannons on Ember Twin and Brittle Hollow? Land your ship inside them, where the shuttle would normally go. Then, once you've done that, jump out and walk over to the ground controls. Here, you can normally recall or launch a shuttle sitting on the pad. However, you can also launch your ship using these controls as well.


Deep Impact
Despite how hard it may seem, its actually quite easy.

• Get in close proximity of Giants Deep.
  
• Halt all speed relative to Giants Deep (Slow your butt down).
  
• Thrust backwards, keeping your ship centered on Giants Deep. None of those arrows - If you see them, correct your position with slight puffs!
  
• Keep going backwards until reaching a speed of around 5,000 m/s. I would suggest going a little over - Maybe 5,100 m/s.
  
• Once at 5,100 m/s compared to Giants Deep, halt your backwards speed and thrust towards Giants Deep. Build up as much speed as you can!
  
• You'll start to be going back towards Giants Deep. I cannot say this enough - KEEP YOURSELF CENTERED. Even the slightest tilt at this distance and speed would be catastrophic in the long run. Keep building up speed and staying in line with Giants Deep.
  
• Eventually, you'll hit Giants Deep and, hopefully (If you were going in at 5,000 m/s), you'll break through the current.

However, I have been told, after the writing of this guide, that this method is not 100%, and that there may be some sort of bug. I did attempt and succeed with the method detailed above, but just to make sure, I will include an alternate way to get the achievement.

• Wait for an island to be pulled out into space.
  
• Get beneath it and fall with it. It should shove you beneath the current, giving you the achievement. Thanks to D.A. Azrael for the comment!

Okay, so you've done the Easy Base Game stuff (Or you're taking a knock at this first. Or, you've done the DLC achievements). Now comes the torturous stuff. You ready?


Hotshot
Manually flying to the Sun Station is not an easy task - If you have experience in KSP, then you'll have the best shot at getting this. I would recommend launching on Ember Twin for the best shot at this, as its orbit is the closest to the Sun Station's.

• When you see the Sun Station, bolt at it. Don't go in the opposite direction of it, though - That'll suck. Match up with its direction (clockwise? counter-clockwise) and speed towards it - Not too fast, though.
  
• Now that you're close (hopefully), slow down. If you overshoot it, stay calm and try again. You've always got another shot. Re-aim and zero out your velocity with the station, then thrust over to it again, being careful to keep your velocity in check.
  
• Eventually, you should be able to get there with your ship. Now, you'll see the Sun Station is kind of rotating - That's OK. Hold R and use your mouse to roll your ship. The goal is to get your ship not be synced up with the Sun Stations current rotation, but to instead set it so that when you get out of your chair and hop out, the Sun won't be pulling you against the wall or something crazy like that. You also may need to pitch forward slightly so that you can walk up to your ships hatch. Hop out, maneuver over to the hole in the wall and touch down on the Gravity walkway - You just flew to the Sun Station on your own ship!

Amazing job, hatching! Hey, where's your ship going? Oof, Slate isn't going to be happy about that one.


It belongs in a museum!
Remember how you got into the High Energy Lab with the "You've met a terrible fate" walk-through? Great! Do that, except without the breaking-space-time part. Instead, grab one of the cores, jump in your ship and fly it over to Timber Hearth and take it to the museum. As soon as you enter, you should get the achievement! Wow, look at the Black Hole! Hey, how old is that glass? Are you sure it's saf-


So, you're ready for Archaeologist, eh? Well, get ready.
Okay, so you're going to need to get, like, all the lore.
I mean, like, completely filling out the ship log. Some things you might need to look at, some things might be not very obvious. It's going to suck. But it is worth it when you get it.
Here are some places I would recommend checking twice, and some things you may want to know:

• The little arrows that lead to other things (Rumors) are not required. You're welcome.
  
• Anglerfish Fossil Cave - There is a gravity beam above the fossil that, when ridden, leads to a little cavern with a scroll wall about how the anglerfish are blind, and is needed for the achievement.
  
• The Quantum Moon and Eye - All of that stuff is needed for the achievement. This includes the Eye locators + Quantum Moon locators, Eye shrines in the cities AND the massive building on one Giants Deep's poles (The pole with the big tornado) to Quantum Observation.
  
• The Black Hole Forge - So. Many. Scrolls.
  
• The Eye of the Universe - There's no ship log info you can get there, so don't worry about that. Everything after you input those co-ordinates onto The Vessels nav. system and teleport to The Eye doesn't matter.

If you have trouble, here's a website that is very, very useful for getting the Archaeologist. Use it as your guiding light throughout this insane journey of lore speedrunning.
It's Dangerous To Go Alone! Take This.[outerwilds.ventures]

You're welcome, good luck and / or godspeed you magnificent person.

Oh, gee. Here we go.

The Silenced Cartographer
Fly right into the Deep Space Satellite - Make sure to break it. Disabling the map, I've been told, is not enough; You've got to make sure that Ol' Spacey breaks. Hope no-one needed that map. Oh, and thanks to Astral for the assistance and info with this achievement.


Early Adopter
Inside the Laboratory in the Hidden Gorge, there is a box next to the Lantern Test Chamber which is laying open, containing early prototypes of The Artifact. Take it and go to sleep next to one of the fires. Hope you didn't need your pelvis. Or your skin. Or, like... Any part of your body.

The Grate Filter
You know the dam? Swim down near the bottom and you'll find some grates. Swim through them, and if you end up safely on the other side, you'll get the achievement! Outer Wilds Venture is not responsible for extreme bone trauma by high impact.

Flat Hearther
Stand under one of the elevators in The Stranger while its coming down. How are you still alive?! Your bones are dust and your brain is probably mush, hatchling!

Celsius 232.78
Take one of the reels (Any reel) and plop it into one of the fires. Man, these aliens were dumb - This knowledge isn't going to forbid itself!

Simulation Hypothesis
Take one of the artifacts and go back to one of your Hearthian campfires. Go to sleep next to one with the Artifact and wake back up. Welp, that settles it! We're definitely not simulated.

Fire Arrows
This one is kind of hard. You'll need to aim above that lamp that hangs in the middle of the Stranger. It'll be kind of hard, as the Artificial Gravity from the ring does some crazy stuff with your scout the closer it gets to the center. Just keep trying and you'll land your probe on it, and you'll get this achievement!

You'll Never Take Me Alive!
Get one of those creepy owl aliens inside the sim to see you, then just jump into some water or from a high place to your "death". YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, YOU ALIEN SCUM!

Oof Ouch, My Bones
Find an owl alien in the simulation, place down your artifact nearby, walk away from your artifact until you get out of the Rendered Zone, and then bump into the owl alien. They should pick you up, but since you don't have your Artifact, they'll just snap your neck.
OOOOFFFF, OOOUCCCHHHH MY TOTALLY REAL BOOOONNNNEEESSSS OWWWWWWWW

1/900
Extinguish the lights in The Endless Canyon by jumping through one of the paintings in the spawn hut (whatever you wish to call it). Then, create the bridge to the Endless Canyon. Go to the top floor, making sure to avoid the owl alien. Hop out of the balcony onto the roof, making sure not to overdo it - You can easily fall off if you put too much energy into your jump! Once on the roof, walk around until you reach an incline in the roofing. Walk up it and walk to the edge of the roof, which overlooks the bridge. You should see a candle - Light it. A little wooden boi will pop up, which is a reference is those Zelda games, I think. Boom, you have your achievement.

Okay, so some of these achievements are actually up there with Archaeologist in terms of difficulty. Tubular is going to be pretty annoying to get, so just stay calm and remember that you're amazing and you can get it. You've come this far, no giving up now!


Around the world in 90 seconds
Get on a raft and ride up to the Reservoir right before the Dam breaks. Sit right next to the Dam and once it does break, ride those waves like there is NO tomorrow - Hold your flashlight on the forward control and do NOT let off, unless you get close to the "cliff' of the wave, then go backwards. Once you're near the front of the wave, just make little adjustments on the left and right controls. You should be able to make your way through and reach where the Dam used to be, and get your sweet achievement.

Sleep. Wake. Repeat.
For this achievement, you'll need to die within the Sim 5 different ways in one loop. However, there are only a handful of ways the game actually recognizes. These are:

• Jumping into water, putting out your Artifact.
  
• Being awoken by the Alarm System.
  
• Getting caught by one of the alien owl creatures.
  
• Falling hard enough onto a flat surface that you die.
  
• Standing in the campfire you "wake up" next to the in the Simulated World.

I would recommend attempting these all in Starlit Cove, but the choice is yours!

Ghosts in the Machine
This one is reaallly annoying - In order to get it, you need to reach all 3 Forbidden Archives. Remember: YOU DON'T JUST NEED TO GO THERE, YOU NEED TO PLACE YOUR ARTIFACT IN THE RECEPTACLE! That's the only way it counts, from what I've seen. And you cannot die to any of the stranger's dream inhabitants. Like, not even before you get into the archive. You need to be very, very careful that they do not kill you. It's up to you how you do it, but this is my recommendation:

• Get into the Hidden Gorge quick by using the Lab Breach.
  
• Jump into the sim via the Hidden Gorge Sim Room.
  
• Jump through the mural on one of the walls in the Endless Canyon Sim Entry Point (The hut with the fire you awaken in), and extinguish the lights on the other side of the Canyon.
  
• Walk back through the mural and walk out of the hut. Go to your right until you find this area. As you can see, there is a secret bridge. Walk over it and reach the other side.
  
  
• Don't take the elevator down to the Docks - Instead, walk into the big building and walk down the stairs - This is the easiest and chillest way I know of to get into the Endless Canyon Archive - Just remember to run fast and keep your Artifact concealed, as there'll be a owl alien on your behind once you reach the bottom floor.
  
• Go to the Archive and place your Artifact in the receptacle. Then, jump into the water and re-enter the Sim. Take the same path we already took, but this time go down to the Docks.
  
• Ride the boat into the zone between the areas (the black void), and jump off. You'll end up in the Subterranean Lake area, where you can walk over this way to get into the Shrouded Woodlands Archive.
  
  
• Once in this archive, you'll need to call down the elevator and ride it up to where the owl aliens will be partying. Make sure you hear them howl and notice you before riding the elevator back down. I know this seems extra, but the game won't count it if you don't do this. Now, just insert your Artifact into the receptacle again and throw yourself into the water again.
  
• For the last archive, jump onto a raft in the real world, ride over to the Island Tower in Cinder Isles and throw yourself on top of the fire with Artifact in hand. Since you're dead, you can't be awoken by the alarms, which means you don't have to extinguish the Starlit Cove, meaning there are no owl aliens! Just calmly walk into the pit while the Alarm System blinks at you, and walk straight into the Starlit Cove Archive.

That certainly took awhile. But you're basically some sort of Hearthian Matrix master, so good job!

Tubular!
Boy, is this one hard. I'll try and give tips on what I can, but I would just recommend getting most of it from this video. Spectacular guy, really.
Here are some tips for Tubular:

• As you saw, the person let go of the controls and let the water carry them away from the crevice, and even slightly pushed on the forward controls, after the water reached a certain point (Around River Lowlands, I believe). I would recommend doing this.
  
• When the wave gets really close, hold CTRL and D like your life depends on it (Because it does, as if the wave picks you up, you'll most likely bash your head into a rock). This should keep you on the raft.
  
• Once the wave had picked you up, make sure to keep your raft near the front of the wave, but not too much - Just near the edge. After you've got to that point, just make small adjustments on the left and right controls to keep yourself from hitting anything.

This took me multiple tries, so don't get discouraged! You've made it this far, so you obviously have some guts, smarts and a thick skull! Eventually you'll get it, and it'll feel amazing.


Now, after all this, there is but one achievement left. I recommend doing this last, as... Well...
You'll see.

You've come this far. You've explored so much, seen so much, done so much. You've done things that no Hearthian - Heck, no THING should do.
Are you ready? Because we're about to make all that look like little baby stuff.
We're going to speedrun Outer Wilds.

Okay, so this is going to hurt, but remember all the effort you put in Archaeologist? Welp, time to throw it all away and start a new save. Because these are the requirements for Beginners Luck:

You have to finish the game.
On the first loop.

What I mean by "loop" is the start of the game, when the statue first pairs with you.
Oh boy, this is going to be fun.
Now, this may seem hard, but don't worry - It's actually quite easy, and I can walk you through each step. If the Sun goes Supernova or you die though, you'll need to create an entirely new save file.

Let's begin. Godspeed, hatchling.

• Go to Ember Twin and get the Escape Pod signal.
  
• Once you've done that, hop up to Ash Twin and wait until enough sand has drained of to get into the Ash Twin Project teleporter room. This little hole in the wall is perfect for waiting in until the sand column comes flying overhead.
  
  
• Grab the warp core and get back to your ship.
  
• Fly into Dark Bramble and find Escape Pod 3.
  
• Follow the lights left by Escape Pod 3 to the Nomai Graveyard, and launch your scout in. DO. NOT. RECALL IT. I did this and felt so dumb.
  
• Follow the scout through the red seed, being careful not to use thrust once through the red seed. Remember, anglerfish are blind and are reliant on you using your thrusters to find you. Just build up speed before entering the red seed and you'll be fine.
  
• Follow the scout into the next seed to find The Vessel. Land and insert the warp core.
  
• Input the Eye of the Universe co-ordinates (Don't worry, they aren't randomized). If you're not a PRO-GAMER who is way too obsessed with this game and doesn't have them memorized, then you can use this picture.
  
  
• Go to The Eye of the Universe.
  
• You did it.

If you've made it here, that means you've done it. You've gotten all the achievements, you've got the badge, you've seen things that no Hearthian was meant to see:

Amazing job, and I hope you enjoyed my guide.
This is actually my first ever one, so:
If you liked it, please be sure to give it a thumbs up and leave a comment!
This took me, if memory serves me correct, around 3 days to do, with me finishing on October 22nd at around 1:30 PM.
I rarely have off time with school, though, so I most likely could have made it and finished it on a Saturday or something when I had more time on my hands. Nonetheless, I loved making this guide and want to make more for other games, whether they are joke guides, easter eggs guides, or full completion guides, like this one!
Again, thank you for reading my guide!
See you laters my fellow gamers,
- Oxide

P.S. Here's this random funny cat I found. Enjoy.