Through the grace of god, we have been given this game. If you have chosen to spend your money to purchase this enlightening experience (or, have been gifted it by someone else who was enlightened), then you need to know how to truly appreciate your chair.

Upon launching this experience, you will be prompted to agree that you, in fact, wish to f*ck a chair.

When you agree, because of course you do why else are you here, you will be taken to a tinder-esque layout, where you will find the chair you wish to copulate with.

Feel free to browse and choose a chair for your first time, or go with the first chair you see. I won't judge.
You will be thrown into a haze of lust and passion with your first chair, and you will have to make a very important choice upon your first encounter: Will you thrust, or twerk?

This seemingly meaningless choice will define you as a chairf*cker for your time playing the game. The classic thrust is a move of lust and passion as you mate with this chair (although there is no pregnancy mechanic as of the creation of this guide, so don't worry about a chondom, or chair condom). The twerk, however, is not a commonly used choice due to it being bound to the m2. It has an air of distance and mystery to it. By making your first move a twerk, you solidify yourself as someone whos not just here for passion, but someone who truly wants to explore their experience in chairf*ckery.

You will be subjected to 3 rounds of sweet, sweet intercourse with your chair of choosing, each more passionate than the last, until you reach finish the climax. You will then be put in a mini-game for your finisher. This is a move that under any circumstances you must not mess up. Messing up on your first time means you are weak, and that you are not worthy to fornicate with any chairs. Depending on the chair you choose for your first time, they will have a unique animation depending on the type.

Once you finish your first time, you will be given a percentage rating on how much you wowed that chair in bed. Anything over 70% seems to be good, although I myself have passed with a smooth 69% on few occasions. Afterwards, the chair will give you its number as well as some flavor text that changes depending on how well you did in chair coitus. You will be given the option to either keep its number or not. If you want to truly be a chair lover, I recommend keeping it.

After this, you can not go back. You are now a chairf*cker.

Even though you may have been marked as a chairf*cker after copulating with your first chair, you need to continue to be a true chairf*cker. A mark of a true chairf*cker of course, is mating with every chair there is to find.

Here are some tips I have, as you will have to do a lot of lovemaking:

• Each chair has its own pace it likes, use your first move to decide what pace it likes
  
• Very rarely, you will see a POW fly past your screen as you mate. This gives you the ability to thrust without reason. Spam click as fast as you can to build the largest combo as possible, but watch for the end. You can ruin your streak if you mess up on the final thrust.
  
• If you get on a streak of bad hook-ups, don't fret. Simply try again with someone new and find that rythm with them. Get their number if you can.
  
• You can call any chair you've kept the number of in the main menu. They will have the same, or very similar pace that they displayed upon their first encounter. If you've been on a bad streak lately, try calling up an old friend.

You may also find that throughout your journey into chair intimacy, that some chairs you have kept the numbers of may threaten to leave you. The choice is yours to make if you wish to never be able to hit them up again, but there is no penalty to letting them go.

After recreating the birds and the bees with many a chair, you may see a strange looking chair cross your hook-up app. These can look like:

• Chairs with humanoid feet
  
• Chairs with legs and arms
  
• Chairs that look like they have been overtaken by something otherworldly
  
• Clown chairs.
  
• Chairs with googly eyes
  
• And of course, the Demon Chair

Adding these chairs to your conquests will draw you closer and closer to the title of true chairf*cker, but there are two encounters you need to have before you are truly ready.

The council will appear after contacting a chair via phone (located in the main menu) twice. After your first meeting via phone, they will mention something about having someone come and watch. Upon the second meeting, you will be greeted with the Council.

The council is of similar model to the chair you called, and will surround you entirely. Do not be afraid, but do not mess up in front of the council. You need to mate perfectly in order to pass.

The A-Bomb, otherwise known as the nuke chair, will appear sometime around your 40th copulation, if not slightly before. It has a small chance of appearing, but do not deny it.

After going through the standard f*ck with this chair, you have a choice to make with your finisher. Upon finishing correctly, you will be nuked. This will crash the simulator, and upon booting it up afterwards, you will be met with a desolate landscape, with no chairs to ♥♥♥♥.

Worry not, for it will go back to normal upon booting the game up a 3rd time.

After copulating with every chair type, I must congratulate you. You have become the true chairf*cker.

There is no more I must tell you, simply bide your time and screw more chairs.

Godspeed, you disgusting humanoid.