Sigh.... Its time we have this talk....

Elden ring ruined my life

Back in 2022, I was browsing reddit when I started seeing things about elden ring being the "best game ever" and "a rewarding and difficult challenge". Something in by brain snapped and at 42, for the first time in my life, I decided to face a challenge and not take the path of least resistance.

This is where things go awry. First off, this game is WAY to hard and after 3500 hours, I have yet to beat soldier of godrick. I was absolutely hell bent on beating this guy. During this time I quit the job that was handed to me by my father, and my wife that was only with me for my money left me. I blew all my money on adult diapers and doordash. Also, around 3000 hours the results of no sunlight or any physical activity began to set in. After a hard fought defeat to soldier of godrick, I had an accident where my hand bones exploded and every muscle tore and snapped. This is when I was self diagnosed with bonehurtaritus, and I had to retire from gaming.

Prior to the release of this DLC, I started playing again to practice which had no result. After a heated argument with my mother, she gave me 40 dollars to purchace the DLC. I am very disappointed that there is still no baby mode which will hold my hand (something my wife never did). Also, the lack of support for the Fisher-Price Laugh and Learn Controller is concerning. This is the only controller with buttons and sticks soft enough for me to not have another hand incident. I am also very angry that you have to beat this guy called Mohg (I didnt even know there was another boss in this game).

So here I am with no futher progress and an empty life that is beyond saving. This is all Elden Rings fault and not my own btw. I have started a petition for an easy mode and additional controller support. And rather than improving my spineless existence I will be going back to Animal Crossing and sleeping 18 hours a day in moms attic. Thanks for nothing Miyazaki!!!