The other day, my son came home for Christmas with his new partner. I was excited to meet her, but imagine my horror when it turned out to be another man. I immediately started to protest, but my son said "Dad, this is who I am" Without missing a beat, I turned around and said, "You forgot to say NO H0M0" But my boy simply scoffed at me and said, "Actually dad, I AM a homosexual" I stared straight at my son, penetrating his soul with my eyes, and said, "But that's gay." As soon as I said that, my son began to convulse. He dropped to floor in some sort of manic state, spit pouring from his mouth as his eyes rolled back into his head. His bf tried to help him, but I pushed that dainty little queer away with my heteronormative strength. After a full minute, my son opened his eyes and said, "Dad, you cured me of my homosexuality." Then he pointed at that queer and said, "Let's get that hom0!" After we wiped Brian's blood off our hands, we sat down with a beer and watched some football.

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