At my zoo, we circumcise all our gorillas because the eldest gorilla is Jewish and demands it. We can’t argue with faith, and since we also shave our gorillas, we find the circumcised gorilla penises to be much more visually appealing, and I know our guests enjoy that touch as well because I’ve had many, many people come up to me and tell me how much they admire the penises on our shaved, Jewish gorillas, and that’s when I take the opportunity to try to convert them to Judaism on the elder gorilla’s behalf. I’d say at least a dozen or so people convert every summer, especially after the body show that the gorillas put on every 4th of July. It’s part of why we shave them. The elder gorilla is always very excited to show of the strength of faith instilled in his troop of Jewish, shaved, jacked gorillas. It’s a very compelling argument. It’s amazing what gorillas can do when they follow God’s will and keep their hearts full of God’s love.

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