H ＥＬＬＯ ＡＭ ４８ ＹＥＡＲ ＭＡＮ ＦＲＯＭ ＳＯＭＡＬＩＡ． ＳＯＲＲＹ ＦＯＲ ＢＡＤ ＥＮＧＬＡＮＤ． Ｉ ＳＥＬＬＥＤ ＭＹ ＷＩＦＥ ＦＯＲ ＩＮＴＥＲＮＥＴ ＣＯＮＮＥＣＴＩＯＮ ＦＯＲ ＰＬＡＹ ＂CS:GO ＂ ＡＮＤ Ｉ ＷＡＮＴ ＴＯ ＢＥＣＯＭＥ ＴＨＥ ＧＯＯＤＥＳＴ ＰＬＡＹＥＲ ＬＩＫＥ ＹO U

I caught this guy ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ my girlfriend last week. I’m still pissed about it but there’s nothing I can do. She loves him. I knew she was acting weird because she kept staying out late and coming home with taco sauce on her blouse. During sex she’d scream to give her my five dollar foot long, but I’m only 3 inches and five dollars is way too much for what I’m giving. One day I came home to find her getting plowed against the wall by this dude. He had her hair in one hand and a taco bell cheesy gordita crunch in the other. I tried to fight him, but he slapped me so hard it broke every window in the house. This dude’s a stone cold pimp and I can’t do anything to hurt him, so I can only hope he breaks her heart one day like she broke mine.

finna be spammed

🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘🛎🛎🛎🛎🛎🛎⏰⏰ 🚨 🚨 🚨

🚨 🚨 Is that a S P E L L I N G E R R O R I see??? 🚨 🚨 Alert! 🔊🔊Alert! ⚠️⚠️

We 🔞have💢 a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥👉👌 ♥♥♥♥♥♥ 🤔🤔on our hands 🙌here! 👇

Fix 👾your English 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸and then come 💦💦back💨 to me, preferably once 👆you’re within 5 🖐IQ points 👁👄👁of myself, sweaty. ;)😂😂😂

My teacher said to my I'm a failure, that I'll never amount to anything. I scoffed at him. Shocked, my teacher asked what's so funny, my future is on the line. "Well...you see professor" I say as the teacher prepares to laugh at my answer, rebuttal at hand. "I watch Rick and Morty." The class is shocked, they merely watch pleb shows like the big bang theory to feign intelligence, not grasping the humor. "...how? I can't even understand it's sheer nuance and subtlety." "Well you see...WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB!" One line student laughs in the back, I turn to see a who this fellow genius is. It's none other than Albert Einstein.

I sexually Identify as a TI-84 Plus Graphing Calculator. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of solving complex systems of equations with graphing and matrix capabilities. People say to me that a person being a calculator is Impossible and I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install a monochrome LCD display, 30 mm buttons and Texas Instruments branding on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Silver Edition" and respect my right to solve problems and load needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a calculophobe and need to check your RAM privilege. Thank you for being so understanding