1. Remove your child's bedroom door. Privacy is one of the leading causes of Masturbation.
2. Monitor your family's use of the restroom. Not only will this prevent Masturbation.
3. Kill your television. There is absolutely nothing of value on television. Everyone should be reading their Bibles or working.
4. Control your child's reading material. Screen everything your child brings into the house. Do not allow anything even remotely stimulating. Get up early in the morning and go through the newspaper cutting out all of the pictures in the Underwear ads.
5. Be sensible about the music your child listens to. There is hardly any music in existence that is really suitable, because anything with a "Rock," "Country" or "Gospel" beat to it (even if it is labeled "Christian!") is designed to incite sexual desire and summon demons from the Pit of Hell straight into your nice little Suburban home! They must be burned, especially if they are by pornographic "Rap" artists.

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