Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

Is your ass jealous of the amount of ♥♥♥♥ that just came out of your mouth?

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

I named my hard drive "dat ass" so once a month my computer asks if I want to 'back dat ass up'.