My children will know about this guy through bedtime stories

Conquest, dictatorship, get boring
What's wrong with me?
I need to find something to do
That's fascinating, guaranteed!

Camping, no. Fishing, no!
Not as much fun as total tyranny!
Agh, what else could there be?
What do I need?

WAIT! I KNOW!


Skydiving!
Out of the window!
It's positively perilous!
I'm such a big thrillseeker!
Don't forget to bring a parachute!

Skydiving!
Off a building!
It's despicably genius!
I'm such a big cupcake
Don't forget to bring the Long Fall Boots

What a perfect time to have fun
With my wicked son!
And you're going nuts, hanging out all the time!
Not anymore, that's a bonus!

I was all ready for bungee jumping!
If that's how you get your jollies, go ahead!
But nothing will ever compare to this!
It's so much more delicious!

Skydiving!
Out of the window!
It's positively scurrilous!
I'm such a smart person!
Don't forget to bring a parachute!