I'm there in discord VC rizzing up this 11/10 emo e girl femboy with daddy issues, on problem she wants to play valorant, now usually I'm Jeezy with that steezy but my high ass is off orbiting Jupiter right now. I barely have motor skills, I cannot click heads, I'm barely keeping my eyes open. But she's too bad to fumble so i boot up that god forsaken game, ♥♥♥♥ looks like the gates of hell opening we find a game at about the same ammount of time it takes me to bust (3 seconds) we load in. ♥♥♥♥, it's ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ pearl, well ♥♥♥♥ now my lobotomized ass is fighting in the aftermath of Jesus v Satan. She picks Sage and tells me to pick Jett, one problem, I can't play Jett. I'm barely conscious at this point, but she was bad! I can't fumble this ♥♥♥♥! ♥♥♥♥. I pick Jett and I feel god place a curse on me. Damn you god condem me all you want but you can't hate a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ for trying to get some 11/10 emo furry E girl puss. I want this ♥♥♥♥♥ to meow for me and drop ♥♥♥♥ off the counters. I look at the enemy team. ♥♥♥♥! The enemy team has 2 E daters, a Jett and a Sage. My Sage is gonna want me to pop off, It's the only way I'll ever stop using my hands. So like the tarnished I arised to second in the leaderboard, we're 5 rounds in, 3:2, she is dribbling on me bro. I'm cooking. She can smell me cooking. I'm last alive, she says in VC, "If you clutch I'll curb stomp your balls." Pause! Time for a fun fact. Fun fact number 1; I'm a volunteer at a soup kitchen that helps feed thousands of people yearly. Fun fact number 2; I ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ love getting my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ balls stomped in. So you know I had to get on my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ A game. She unknowingly uttered my sleeper agent code word, let me tell you emo granny E girl puss will do some mysterious ♥♥♥♥ to a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. I go to mid, I see them, I blackout. When I wake up I see the scoreboard 5:2. According to her I stopped talking and ace every round afterwards, ♥♥♥♥ was wild. She loved it cause she added me on discord. One problem, 2 weeks later I see her on discord with some other ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. Oh well at least I have irreparable brain damage now. Moral of the story, just don't play Valorant, play a real game like PlateUp! with your homies.