At night I click on your profile. Oh the excitement, it fills the air. With one hand under the covers, the other firmly placed on my nipple I begin. Working on my throbbing ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ to the thought of your chiseled masculine body, wrestling me into the ground. You overpower me and punishes my weak body, oh my boi ♥♥♥♥♥ you have conquered. And then I squirt with the force of a thousand elephants, with the sound of a thousand screaming children and the might of a titan. Thus my fantasy ends, and I clean up and sleep, cuddling my pillow with a picture of you on it. Sweet dreams my prince, I say, kissing you tenderly.

A MAN IS 21 AND IS STILL A VIRGIN IN LEGO CITY
PREPARE THE ASEXUALITY
HEY!
BUILD THE ASEXUALITY
AND COME OUT TO YOUR PARENTS AS ASEXUAL EVEN THOUGH YOU PROBABLY AREN'T
THE NEW CRIPPLING DEPRESSION AESTHETIC FROM LEGO CITY

Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.