Peter: I've been watching television so much the shows are starting to run together.
Announcer: [for Homicide: Life on Sesame Street] This show contains adult content, and is brought to you by the letter H.
Bert: [answering phone] Hello? Son of a ♥♥♥♥♥. I'm on my way. [gets out of bed and gets dressed]
Bert: Some poor bastard got his head blown off down at a place called Hooper's.
Ernie: Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.
Bert: Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the *damn* bed.
Ernie: Bert, you're shouting again, Bert.
😩
One big pile is better than two little piles.
-- Arlo Guthrie
😯
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.
-- Redd Foxx
🤤
Sometimes I live in the country,
And sometimes I live in town.
And sometimes I have a great notion,
To jump in the river and drown.
😗