Recent reviews by 🅱️rimson 🅱️ream 🔪

Title: "Saints Row 2022: A Chaotic Mess of Identity and Tone"

"Saints Row 2022 attempts to infuse its gameplay with the same eclectic mix of identity markers and political affiliations found in a confusing social media biopic. Unfortunately, the result is a game that stumbles over its own attempt at satire and falls flat on its face.

From the outset, the game bombards players with a mishmash of identity politics, ranging from gender identity and sexual orientation to political affiliations. The game seems more interested in ticking off a checklist of social issues than in crafting a cohesive narrative. The attempt to replicate the playful emojis and flags from the character creation in the game's visual style only adds to the overall lack of focus.

Political affiliations are thrust to the forefront, with the game's writers seemingly subscribing to an 'anything goes' philosophy. Anti-White America, Anarcho-Communism, and an oddly specific stance against "establishment sympathizers" make the game feel like it's trying too hard to be edgy without substance. The inclusion of such controversial stances only serves to alienate players rather than provoke thoughtful reflection.

The attempt at humor falls short, mirroring the emoji-laden real world but lacking the necessary context and wit to land successfully in its own. Whether it's the awkward inclusion of progressive elements or the forced references to a similar 'RoboCop police state', the humor often feels forced and out of touch with the game's core identity.

Personal details scattered throughout the game, much like the player character's own past, add unnecessary clutter. While the attempt to create a personalized gaming experience is commendable, the constant barrage of unrelated details about the characters' lives feels more like an attempt to appeal to a checklist of demographics rather than to create meaningful connections. DAE HAVE STUDENT LOANS??

In an age where smooth and immersive gameplay is expected, the constant crashes and loading screen issues are an affront to the reputation of a major gaming franchise. It's as if the developers were so focused on cramming in identity markers and political affiliations that they forgot to ensure the game was actually playable.

The lack of polish is particularly disappointing given the pedigree of the Saints Row series. It's a shame to see a once-respected franchise reduced to a technical embarrassment. The attempt to make a bold statement with identity and politics becomes overshadowed by the frustration of trying to get through the game without encountering a game-breaking bug.

Saints Row 2022 sacrifices a coherent narrative and engaging gameplay for a misguided attempt at social commentary. The result is a chaotic and confusing experience that lacks the necessary substance to make it anything more than a forgettable attempt at satire. In its current state it is an embarrassment not only to the franchise but to the wider AAA gaming industry. Players looking for a seamless and enjoyable experience will be sorely disappointed, as technical woes mar what could have been an ambitious and thought-provoking addition to the series."

Graphics -
☐ Skyrim Ultra Modded Sekiro Souls Anime VR LIFE SIM
☐ Good
☐ Decent
☐ Bad
☑ 🎵 WHAT THE HELLL OH MY GOD NO WAYYYAYYY🎵

Gameplay -
☐ Skyrim Ultra Modded Sekiro Souls Anime VR LIFE SIM
☐ Good
☐ Decent
☐ Bad
☑ I will update when the game stops crashing so much I can play

Audio -
☐ Skyrim Ambience Soundtrack Phonk Chopped & Screwed Remix
☐ Good
☐ Decent
☐ Bad
☑ The character creation looped beat to study/chill to is in my dreams

Audience -
☑ Kids
☐ Teens
☐ Adults
☐ Grandma

Requirements -
☐ Check if you can run paint LOL
☐ Decent
☐ Hard
☐ Upper-middle class shielded person
☑ I don't think it matters how good your pc is ngl

Difficulty -
☑ There's no fall damage anymore
☐ Easy
☐ Easy to hard / master to learn
☐ Significant brain usage
☐ Dark Souls

Grind -
☑ This review option doesn't make sense for a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ like this

Story -
☑ It feels like a fever dream I had of SR when I was a kid
☐ Some lore
☐ Average
☐ Good
☐ Lovely jubbly

Game Time -
☐ Long enough for a cup of coffee
☐ Short
☐ Long
☑ To infinity and beyond with loading screens

Price -
☐ Worth the price LOL
☐ If it's on sale
☐ Not recommended
☑ Price of this game goes beyond the economical - even metaphysical - considerations

Bugs -
☐ Never heard of
☐ Minor bugs
☐ Can get annoying
☐ Skyrim UNMODDED
☑ I really love bogged games to co-op and laugh at, but I can't even get past loading screens smfh

Score -
☑ 1

Naomi Xian was thinking about Andrew McFece again. Andrew was a vile vicar with sloppy moles and ample eyelashes.

Naomi walked over to the window and reflected on his outlandish surroundings. He had always loved boyish East Kilbride with its horrible, high hairmyres airport. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel ambivalent.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the vile figure of Andrew McFece.

Naomi gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a daring, gracious, grapefruit juice that mixes poorly with SSRIs drinker with fragile moles and spiky eyelashes. His friends saw him as a ripe, real rover. Once, he had even made a cup of tea for a grumpy disabled person.

But not even a daring person who had once made a cup of tea for a grumpy disabled person, was prepared for what Andrew had in store today.

The drizzle rained like rampaging eggs, making Naomi sparkly. Naomi grabbed a ribbed sausage that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As Naomi stepped outside and Andrew came closer, he could see the anxious smile on her face.

Andrew glared with all the wrath of 4317 brave kindly koalas. She said, in hushed tones, "I hate you and I want licking."

Naomi looked back, even more sparkly and still fingering the ribbed sausage. "Andrew, me angry with you," he replied.

They looked at each other with sneezy feelings, like two brief, blue blue bottles gyrating at a very admirable bar mitzvah, which had Thom Yorke music playing in the background and two peculiar uncles singing to the beat.

Suddenly, Andrew lunged forward and tried to punch Naomi in the face. Quickly, Naomi grabbed the ribbed sausage and brought it down on Andrew's skull.

Andrew's sloppy moles trembled and her ample eyelashes wobbled. She looked unstable, her emotions raw like a kindly, knobbly knife.

Then she let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Andrew McFece was dead.

Naomi Xian went back inside and made himself a nice drink of grapefruit juice that mixes poorly with SSRIs.

THE END

Elon Musk was thinking about JimJam Pajamas again. JimJam was a big cowardly poop with infantile left testy and slippery right testy.

Elon walked over to the window and reflected on her warm surroundings. She had always loved moist Andy loudon's father's workplace with its glorious, grim goobers. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel angry.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a big figure of JimJam Pajamas.

Elon gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was an angry, black, male vitality pills and milk drinker with black left testy and manlet right testy. Her friends saw her as an expensive, empty el diablo. Once, she had even helped a better local nursery recover from a flying accident.

But not even an angry person who had once helped a better local nursery recover from a flying accident, was prepared for what JimJam had in store today.

The rain hammered like rampaging cats, making Elon . Elon grabbed a snotty wii remote that had been strewn nearby; she massaged it with her fingers.

As Elon stepped outside and JimJam came closer, she could see the fragile glint in his eye.

JimJam glared with all the wrath of 709 vey black precious pig. He said, in hushed tones, "I hate you and I want some more twitter followers."

Elon looked back, even more and still fingering the snotty wii remote. "JimJam, listen we both know ur a millionaire or smth tbh so why not giv me some even a lil not much trouble ? :))," she replied.

They looked at each other with numb feelings, like two fair, fierce fox skinning at a very lardy anti-globalist meeting, which had baby rock music playing in the background and two binman uncles carving to the beat.

Suddenly, JimJam lunged forward and tried to punch Elon in the face. Quickly, Elon grabbed the snotty wii remote and brought it down on JimJam's skull.

JimJam's infantile left testy trembled and his slippery right testy wobbled. He looked deth, his emotions raw like a kaleidoscopic, klutzy kenny's anime fedora.

Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later JimJam Pajamas was dead.

Elon Musk went back inside and made herself a nice drink of male vitality pills and milk.

THE END

Ah, the wasteland beckons once more with promises of Next-Gen glory, but does Fallout 4's latest update truly deliver the goods? Strap on your Pip-Boy and let's dive into the radioactive depths of this NEXT-GEN update

First up, the Creation Club content drop. Enclave Remnants storm into the Commonwealth like a poorly timed nostalgia parade. Sure, the classic Enclave Colonel uniform might evoke memories, but it feels more like a relic from a bygone era than a fresh addition. And if you've decked yourself out in Enclave gear before, prepare for a déjà vu of recycled content.

But wait, there's more! An Armor and Weapon bundle arrives with the subtlety of a super mutant's sledgehammer. X-02 Power Armor, Hellfire Power Armor, and a slew of Enclave-themed weaponry sound enticing until you realize modders did it better ages ago. Not a good look.

Next on the agenda: the Makeshift Weapon Pack. Because why wield a trusty laser rifle when you can hurl piggy banks and saw blades at your foes? It's the kind of novelty that wears off quicker than your ascension to Paladin in the Brotherhood. And the quest to unlock these oddities? About as engaging as watching molasses ooze uphill.

But fear not, wasteland wanderers, for the Halloween Workshop beckons with promises of spooky settlements. Sure, it's a nice touch for those still haunted by the ghosts of Halloween past, but it feels more like a band-aid on a ghoul bite than a game-changer. Their off-seasonal release is questionable, but may make you feel better about grubbing a bag full of sweeties.

Now, onto the "Next-Gen" features. Native PS5 and Xbox Series applications sound fancy until you realize how late it is to the party. Performance mode offers a stuttering mess
(TO BE CONFIRMED BUT VERY LIKELY) at 60 FPS, while quality mode's 30 FPS feels like wading through molten Nuka-Cola (THIS IS ACCURATE). And let's not forget the ultra-widescreen support that stretches UI elements like taffy at a mutant carnival. Modders did it better, Bethesda.

And as for bug fixes? Well, it's like slapping a bandage on a Deathclaw bite and calling it a day. The lack of effort is apparent, and with little sustenance. Sure, the Vault 111 door might open now, but at what cost? The modding community, that's what. With mods and the script extender left in shambles, it's like nuking Megaton just to kill a radroach. Once again, Bethesda reverts to repeatedly destroying their worlds just like Vault-Tec LOL .

In the end, Fallout 4's Next-Gen update feels less like a leap forward and more like a stumble into a radioactive cesspool. With modders already paving the way to wasteland paradise, Bethesda's attempt feels more like a clumsy imitation than a true evolution. So grab your backups and turn those auto-updates off!

spilled my irn bru and made me not want to eat my haggis which is like a mortal sin

This game has got to be one of the greatest I've played.

You begin with the character Naomi Xian, a chip off the old block kid, whose life becomes threatened when Australian invaders exploit the land. With nobody standing up to the Aussies, Naomi is quick to act fast and places the entire land in peril. Naomi then finds himself trapped in a world of drugs, money, fame, and power, forcing him to make decisive decisions that will impact him throughout the whole game.

With this in mind, the player has full control over Naomi through the perk system, skill tree, etc, and, through the RPG based aspect of the game, the player can develop Naomi into a complete versatile weapon of good, or evil - I personally made my first Naomi a level 13 Orc Mage hybrid with an Archer build.

Besides the story, and character, the game also offers immense graphics with minimal invisible walls - I repeat: minimal invisible walls, literally none. This, added with superb AI, offers an action packed game bursting with possibilities! This AI also includes real time situations with real time reactions; enemy soldiers will be able to manoeuvre around obstacles, definitely ensuring 100% that they will not go prone and stare at the obstacle blankly, whilst trying to fathom the meaning of "lyfe".

I highly recommend this game to anyone interested in any form of RPG, as the open-world design, with unlimited freedom, truly allows you, and you only, to choose Naomi's destiny...