This is an automated message sent by the Federal Bureau of Investigation. We are to inform you that you are now on a watchlist, and that you are to be monitored 24/7 as of now. Your actions have concerned us, and we are in suspicion that you are a potential risk to society and anyone around you. Due to the fact that you often search up various topics on the internet that concern mass killings and shootings, you are now labeled as a could-be terrorist. Here are the various things you have searched up in the past months.
Child porn.
How to make a bomb.
How to kill people with a flick of a hand.
How to seduce a child.
How to buy a small bonded child.
If you have not searched up any of these topics, please contact a representative of the Federal Bureau of Investigation at once to fix this major error by calling (310) 477-6565.

Hello sir,

Im from the british sewer disposal unit.I have noticed that there has been alot of tissues and posters of half naked hairy russian midgets flushed from your adress, they seem to contain large quantities of semen and what appears to be somesort of home-made lube. I didnt make a big deal out of it first, i mean i love jacking off to half naked hairy russian midgets as much as the next guy... But yesterday you flushed exactly 24.5 liters of sperm in several empty Mountain Dew bottles along with some empty Dorito bags containing 50% sperm,49% ♥♥♥♥ and 1%dorito sealed with a hairpin and some dried up superglue.
We think you might have a problem, get that ♥♥♥♥ sorted.

-National British sewer disposal unit (NBSDU)