Once upon a millennium ago, there was the city of Neo Crystal Russo-Nacho New Baltimore. It was known as Russo-Nacho. The race that lived there was the Jues. They were very smart and had cat ears. They also had lizard tails, but these were very short. They were lazy, though, and had made robots. The robots were called Bob and ran on materia, the energy source of Russo-Nacho. Soon, the robots got smart too and took a lot of the materia. They wanted to be the owners of the city. They wanted to summon Satan with an infant-massacring ritual. They gathered up all of the baby Jues and, by accident, an adult baby. They got ready to do the summoning while all the Jues were plugged into their sleep-ports. The Bobs put all the materia in place to summon Satan then looked at the babies. Then, they realized they were hungry. Forgetting, the robots ate the babies.

“Oops,” said Bob 1, the leader, “we shouldn’t have done that…”

Then they sacrificed the adult baby as a substitute. There were a lot of clouds in their Satanic Circle, and then God appeared. But, instead, it was Evil God, God’s clone.

“Bwuahahahahahaha!” yelled Evil God. Then he waved his hands of doom, and a giant crack appeared in the ground. There was fire and lava. Then 13,042 demons burst out of it, and they were clones of Sora, the regular one.

“Rawr!” said the Sora clones. Then they attacked the Jues’ city. After eating the robots. They were yummy. The Sora clones were having fun destroying Russo-Nacho and eating all their beef. It was good and beefy, like beef jerky. They were raising hell, and the Jues couldn’t stop the clones. Then, all of a sudden, Vincent Valentine appeared, floating in the sky like an airplane. He had the Holy Materia, the one that could solve all the world’s problems, like poverty and hunger and all that ♥♥♥♥. But he was evil too. He turned part-dragon and started to breathe fire on Russo-Nacho. It was raining fire on dem hoes. The Jues ran around screaming and yelling, running for their lives. It was Hitler all over again.

Then Godzilla came out of the crack to battle Vincent because he was Good. There were mini Godzillas. Godzilla had a staff and a battleaxe. Vincent and Godzilla fought a mighty battle. It was later named World War IV. They battled all over the place, and everything in Russo-Nacho was destroyed. The Sora clones moved on to go eat other people. Then Satan came too. And he helped Vincent with his awesomeness. It was all cool. Then the REAL God came. He was fighting pretty soon too. It was all a mess.

But this is not our story.