This may sound like im ♥♥♥♥ing with you but I'm not. I was recently diagnosed with a terminal disease called cyroaudiovascularmalexia. Google it if you want. Essentially i dont get enough blood flow to my ears so they are slowly freezing, and they will soon fall off and it will spread to my inner ear and brain. There is no cure but there is one treatment. I need to warm my ears constantly to save my life and the only material soft enough is the inner thigh of a pretty girl. So i need you to sit on my face. For medical reasons.

What in the name of Elion did you just say about me, you filthy life-skiller? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the holy college, I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Barcode, and I have over 500 combined gear score. I am trained in siege warfare and I'm the top PvPer in the entire NA server. You are nothing to me but just another karma-bomber. I will kill you with thrusts the likes of which have never been seen before, mark my words. You think you can just say that to me over Discord? Think again. As we speak I am contacting my fellow Valkyries across the server, and your node-fort is being scouted right now so you better prepare for the zerg. The zerg that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call a base.

Just me and my 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 founding daddy🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸💕, 🍼🇺🇸💕 Hanging out💕🇺🇸🍼 I got hungry 🍆 and I started to pout 😞 he asked if I was down ⬇️ for something yummy 😍🍆 and we PARTICIPATED 🇺🇸💰💸 IN CAPITALISM 💰💰🇺🇸 and he gave me his 🇺🇸🎆🗽 1776 cummies!🗽🎆🇺🇸💯💯 yeah! Yeah!💕💦 I drink them!💦 slurp them💦

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The Intellectual Sex Fetish
It’s S&M for Ph.D.s: Cuckolding, in which men watch their wives have sex with other guys, is catching on among people with high IQs who revel in the psychological agony.

When he hears his wife moan with pleasure while she has sex with another man, Derpy Smurf feels bad—then good. When Derpy’s wife tells him that the other man is much better at sex than he ever was, Derpy feels worse—then better. But of course he does: He arranged this encounter, in which he watches in agony as his wife makes love to another guy. And almost as soon as it’s over, he’ll start planning the next one.

Cuckoldry is defined as a wife’s infidelity. Chaucer and Shakespeare characterized it as the ultimate shame. So perhaps it’s no surprise that today it’s developed into a fairly popular fetish. The Internet is rife with husbands enthusiastically soliciting other men—often larger, hotter, sexier men than themselves—to have sex with their wives while they watch.

“The high point of cuckolding is when your wife says she wants the other guy all the time and never wants you.”