Mittens

Mittens is a recreational sport in the land of Foon. Its governing body, the Foon Mittens League (FML), is headed by Chairman Larry Birdman who admits that most of the game's rules are ridiculous. The rules were originally based on a fictional game from the children's book The Loneliest Loneliest Son of Lonely by Tom Bigglesworth.

Rules and Regulations

The field is 2000 meters long and 9 meters wide.
Teams consist of: A Baskin, a Quarterback, 19 Hillsmen, and 10 Miscellaneous

The goal of the Baskin is to get the team's potted flower from one end of the pitch to the other. That’s worth 1 point

If a bird comes in the field and you catch it, that’s 700 points.

Baskins are also required to eat disgustingly hot items, study foreign languages, and many other difficult tasks.

Games take about 2 weeks.

Players may kill each other for acceptable reasons. Acceptable reasons that a player can kill another on the field include:

Entering another players line-of-sight without permission
Mispronouncing another teams name
If a player has ever committed adultery, intentional or otherwise.

At anytime in the first third of a game either team may demand the game start over. These "first trimester abortions" can extend matches for weeks.

If a team breaks a rule, the other team loses a player, which leads to teams breaking the rules on purpose. Teams often counter this by distracting the referee or knocking them unconscious so they don't notice the other team breaking a rule.

You may strike the enemy team with a wooden chair. Metal chairs are illegal.