Your team always consists of these 5 people:
1. You
2. Russian Guy
3. Another Russian Guy
4. Russian Guy who speaks English
5. A 6 year old kid who slept with your mother

The enemy team always consists of these 5 people:
1. Professional CS Player who played since 1.6
2. Amazing Lucker who always lands the perfect nades
3. Spinbotter
4. Cheater who is fake-nicking KennyS
5. A noob who calls you a cheater and says his uncle @ valve will ban you