The Chronicle of the Two Extraordinary Lives Led By the Great S. Parajanov

Parajanov, a wanted arms dealer and florist convicted of murder of Ulfric Stormcloak, a sausage vendor, had been finally surrounded by FBI agents on his boat on the Adriatic after 25 years of running from the authorities and 3 years of exile from his homeland of Armenia due to the implausible concentration of wild worms in his home. At first it'd appeared the infamous Parajanov (also known as Bob the Weaselbeard) had been surrendering and that he will have been apprehended quietly; but then, he had suddenly pointed his finger towards the open sea, having distracted the federal agents in the process. Parajanov had made use of this cunning idea and had fled from the FBI by jumping into the cold water unnoticed, only to be found dead on the coast of Italy 3 days later.

Right: the only available woodcut of Parajanov suitable for children of 8+, taken when he was two.

Eight years later he was accidently ressurected by a German occult writer A. Tarkovsky, who was at the time experimenting with the usage of cuprite saltballs and dead oysters, and was suprised after Parajanov begot behind him, as he had never seen or heard of him before. Bewildered, Tarkovsky ran outside of his house, telling everyone that Bigfoot has taken hold of his residence. The Spetsnaz arrived immediately at the scene, only to be blown up in the air by Parajanov's randomly exploding T-shirt. Oddly enough, Parajanov survived, thus fleeing from the scene instantly, only to be, once again, found dead in a local inn in a neighbouring village of Tathaus. The German Team of Forensic Officers (GTFO) famously proclaimed his death as a misfortune in a game of chess, a diagnosis which puzzles many classical philologists even today.

Now, twenty five years after his second death, most schools in the world cloistered the subject of chemisty due to immense fear of Parajanov's potential third rise. Among the insitutions that disaffirmed with such an act are the University of Bologna's Faculty of History, Parajanov's homeland of Armenia and an unknown college somewhere in Moldova, rumoured to be populated by brown witches. Even today, the people of China believe Bigfoot has been found and killed (but may come back), and the authorities of North Korea hail Parajanov as the only man after Confucius with a completely natural beard.