Recent reviews by TheOnionKingdom

Before I start, I would like to say this is very much a game that will have differing opinions, some love it or hate it. This is very much not your typical horror game.
Anyways, "D" was released in 1995 on the Sega Saturn, Playstation, 3DO, and the PC, while a success in Japan it has not received the same amount of love or attention in America. In the game, you play as Laura Harris, traveling through a castle to reach her father, a once famous doctor became mass murderer. It is your job as Laura to explore the castle, figure out the puzzles and get closer and closer to your insane father.
Gameplay-wise, D is somewhat of a semi-3D exploration type of game. You move Laura around different rooms solving different kinds of puzzles, and delving deeper into the castle, with a camera perspective similar to games like Myst. say semi because the game... isn't like a game really. D is more like an interactive movie than it is a game, with dozens of cutscenes to boot. With that, D also has a very distinctive look to it.
D was the first video game to use fully rendered computer graphics, think of it as the Toy Story of video games in a way. Every cutscene, every room, and every object is rendered in computer graphics. As for how it looks now, well... it certainly hasn't aged gracefully. But keep in mind the time period, this was considered cutting edge, and as such it shouldn't be criticized for that too much.
Despite the dated visuals, D is still an extremely creepy game. Everything about it just screams that the place you and Laura are exploring is somewhere you don't want to be in. The cutscenes also do manage to be creepy even to this day as well, the character models unintentionally make this place creepier too. D isn't a jumpscare game, at all, but the atmosphere to the very quiet but absolutely brilliant soundtrack help make this place even scarier. Everything in D is just so unsettling and dark to put it bluntly, and the game does a brilliant job of making you on the edge of your seat. Do you want to go in the next room or not? You have to choose quickly.
And I do mean quickly, because D also has a time limit. The game makes it so you have to beat it within 2 hours, reach the limit, and it's game over. While it may seem stressful, I think it's the perfect amount of time for this game. The puzzles aren't exactly the most challenging and can be completed fairly quickly, with the exception of one, but I won't go into that. This makes for a game that anyone can probably beat on their first or second time, and I like that a lot.

Overall, D like I said earlier, is a game you're either going to love or hate. Despite what I said, the game plays intentionally very slowly, and many people criticize that. I personally don't think it's that much of a hinderance and I enjoyed my time with this game. It's short, easy, and may have low replay value, but like a good scary movie, D is something you might wanna come back to every few years.

Rating: 7/10

A very boss rush heavy kind of game. While this style off gameplay isn't exactly "my cup of coffee", I cannot let that get in the way of how freaking well made this game actually is. The graphics are incredible, the controls are smooth, and the challenge, while very high, ain't Dark Souls hard like some people say and makes you wanna keep playing. The bosses and run 'n gun stages generally are balenced out well and there is so much variety. If I had to say my one big problem, it's that the controller sometimes vibrates too long occasionally. Other than that, while I'm not the biggest fan of this kind of game, I also did have quite a bit of fun, and I can see why it's rated so positively. Definitely worth playing and 20 bucks is a fairly reasonable price. Give it a go!

This is one of those games you say you'll just play for a short period of time and that time goes well into the night. During that "short" time you'll get an extremely well made, addictive, and fun fps shooter. This game comes highly recommended and is absolutely worth every penny. It's amazing that this game is a little over 21 years old and it's still awesome!

Who wants some good ol' wang? Well this game is for you.

This game is easily my least favorite of the first 3 that I played, sure I didn't play for long, but that didn't matter. I really didn't like the gameplay. I'm not expecting games to show instructions in my face, but this game gives too little info I feel. It's very confusing when you first start off because you got all these things you can do, but you don't know WHAT to do with them. In the end, I found this game just really boring, though it is fine if people do enjoy it.

Extremely good game, very challenging but very addictive. There is so much content to keep you busy, and it's only 5 bucks! However, (this is personal to me) I own Rebirth as well, I don't really play the original very much. But for the time before I got Rebirth, this game was amazing. If you don't want to pay 15 dollars for Rebirth, get this one instead. either way, both are extremely good games that I whole heartedly recommend.

Manos: The Hands of Fate, was a 1966 horror film with a measly budget of 19,000 dollars. The movie bombed at the box office, and was panned by critics (With an average score of an amazing 1.9 out of 10 on IMDB). It is often said that while it is one of the worst horror movies of all time, it is also one of the most famous "B Movies" ever too, along with movies like Plan 9 From Outer Space. Anyways, this game is based on that cult film. In the game, you control a man named Mikey and you go into a spooky mansion named Valley Lodge where weird and strange things occur, leaving your'e family behind. It's a platform game, and while it has some good points, there are some noticible negatives that push this game down quite a bit. Like I said earlier, you control Mikey, platforming through the terrifying 8 stages of horror. But don't you worry! Because Mikey here is prepared with a handgun! This gun is your primary weapon throughout the game, but you can upgrade it to a shotgun to get a triple shot. It's useful, but it goes away if you get hit once, (I hate it when games do that stupid stuff!). You can also optionally collect secret hands throughout the game, this will permanantly increase your health, which is very helpful. The controls for this game are very good, Mikey walks at a brisk pace, stops on a dime when you stop, the jump feels good, and the gun fires as soon as you press the button, or key. The graphics are also pretty good. I like pixelated games, and the graphics are bright and colorful. However, while I like the presentation for the most part, the gameplay is where the game starts to fall apart. The game is of the most simplistic, basic platformers I've ever played, the level design is too basic for my liking, and it's the same basic platforming too. Really, it's either just jump from small block to small block to me, or a stage where there is literally just a single level with maybe some stairs to go up. There is a shooter stage, but I'll get to that in just a second. The music, oh god is it forgettable! It's super quiet and extremely boring too. After playing, I couldn't remember a SINGLE tune in my head, nor would I want too. And finally, the game is super short and ridiculously easy. You want to know how long my playthrough of this game was on the normal setting? 34 minutes, I'm not kidding. The stages go by so quickly and there is literally no challenge in the game. In fact the only difficult thing in this game is when enemies just come out of nowhere, knock you back off a tiny platform, and die. That's not challenge, that's just being annoying and cheap. Remember when I said about the shooting stage? That's also too easy! Just fly in one corner and press the buttion as fast as you can. NOT. CHALLENGING! Keep in mind, there is nothing wrong with making a game easy, but this? This is just too easy, enemies have extremely predictible patterns, and very VERY rarely take two shots to kill. Bosses? Got nothing to say, too easy as well with super easy patterns too. Well, after all that, do I recommend this game? Well, can't you tell? It's a super basic, super easy, and also a super boring game in my opinion. I do know it is on mobile devices, and in that case, it isn't the worst ever, especially considering the quality of some apps out there. But as a PC game? No, this game isn't all that great. I know that it's cheap to buy, but paying 2 dollars for a game that's easy, basic, and super short for PC? There are better games on PC for the same price. If it's 50 cents (like how much it was when I bought it,) That's a complete maybe, but only that. Again, this is my opinion and I will completely respect other's, but in my case. I didn't have much fun with this one, and at it's best, it's mediocre.
Rating: 5/10

DOOM, one of the most influential and important games of all time. Also known as being an extremely controversial during it's release. It's highly regarded as one of the greatest games ever made. So, about 23 years later, how does this game hold up to a person my age? Well, first off, the game isn't as gory as some games nowadays (Mortal Kombat 2011 anyone?). But hey, for me, gore isn't a selling point of a game. Because the presentation and especially the gameplay are what matter, so I'll start with the presentation.

Graphically, DOOM still looks quite good, it's forbodes a dark, depressing, and sometimes even creepy atmosphere, which I like. The sprites, while they are 2-D, still look great. I wasn't born in the 90's, but I can assume that this game must've amazed many for it's graphics. Like I said earlier, graphics get a thumbs up. As for the music..... well, I'm probably the odd one out here, as I HATE DOOM's music. The atmosphere mixed with metal/rock midis I feel doesn't work. While lots probably like it because you feel like a badass, I'm not that way, so I play the game without the music to make it even scarier. As for presentation as a whole, it's good in the graphics department, but falls back in the music in my opinion. But those two don't make the game as a whole good, that's where gameplay comes in.

Now does anyone need an explination on DOOM's gameplay? It's TOTAL CARNAGE throughout the whole game! You explore levels, finding secrets, collect armor and weapons, and explode and shoot the crap out of as many enemies as you can. As you explore the game, you feel super satisfied, and why is that? Because the mechanics of the game is what makes it feel so good. The game feels very fast paced, so that's probably why the game is so satisfying while your killing enemies. On top of that, you got kickass weapons! The machine gun, the chain gun, the rocket launcher, and that weird plasma gun that looks more like a vacumn, the chainsaw, oh the chainsaw! Every weapon has use (except maybe your dinky little pistol and fist) and is what makes DOOM so replayable. Killing a room full of enemies with the chain gun or chainsaw? OHH, such a good feeling! However while the gameplay is great, there is one thing that makes the gameplay drop a little. The controls. The controls feel super clunky nowadays. Using only the arrow keys makes me feel like I can't aim very well, and using the mouse only is the WORST IDEA FOR A CONTROL EVER. Well luckily mods can help with the controls, which is awesome! Overall the gameplay kicks so much ass that the controls are only an afterthought after playing for me.

Overall, as a kid who didn't play DOOM wntil I was 8 in the late 2000's, this game still holds up extremely well! This is a game I usually play when I had a rough day at school, and the satisfaction I get relieves all the stress I have after playing. I highly recommend getting this game, it's 5 dollars for complete chaos. With good graphics, music that while I don't like I can see why others do, and absolutely incredible gameplay, I do think that DOOM does deserve all the critical praise it has recieved.

Graphics: 8/10
Music: 3/10 (I will respect your opinion if you love the music.)
Gameplay: 10/10
Controls: 6/10
Overall: Aside from bad music and clunky controls, the gameplay is what makes up for all of it.
Rating: 9/10

Me: Alright, I finally got to this game. Let's try it out.....
(Dies in the first 10 seconds of gameplay by a slime)
Me: .......... OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Super 3-D Noah's Ark..... is a blatant Wolfenstein clone through and through. However, does it automatically make it a bad game? To be honest, not really. I like Wolfenstein 3-D, and I think that this game is like an expansion pack, but for younger children. Anyways, the game places you in the hands of Noah, trying to get all his animals to not be all over the place and not cause chaos. Just like Wolfenstein, you shoot enemies and go through many maze like levels. But because the game is geared more towards kids, alot of things have been changed. For example, the Nazis in Wolfenstein have been changed to animals like goats, ostriches and deer in Noah's Ark. Plus the blood has been taken out (Which really isn't a big deal for me). Anyways, it plays identically to Wolfenstein that I don't really need to say much about it, since so many people have already played it. In conclusion, is this game original? Absolutely not, but if you go into the game with a fresh mind, you might have some fun with this game.