My name is Stif, and I'm a crazy programmer. I've been arrested 18 times, and have 4 restraining orders with governors of certain states, and I am not allowed anywhere near presidents at anytime within 100 miles. I've met the directors of the CIA, FBI, NSA and ATF - all on rather unpleasant terms. I have 22 parole officers who track me via real-time satellite with a GPS chip that has been implanted in me. I am only allowed outside on preplanned trips schedule 3 weeks in advance and I am only allowed outside 2 times a month. As a result I spend much of my time inside and develop my programming skills.

And to get a feel of how old I am, I knew of the assassination plot on Abrahama Lincoln. But since I had a restraining order against him I couldn't warn him in time