Recent reviews by it'sWoothew

Having got to level 10 my experience was of a game that is chronically boring, broken and incredibly dissatisfying. Every criticism and insult you hear of this product is well founded.

Even for an MMO the game is tedious and bland. Recent patches and updates have done little to make the game any more interesting or enjoyable, or indeed functional. The game is maligned with unreliable servers and disconnect issues that have your items disappear randomly, as well as some quite poor optimisation overall.

I have measured and adaptable standards, but I am sure this game is undoubtedly trash, and shows no signs or indeed hope of becoming any better. A great shame to the franchise and a huge waste of a half decent premise. Do not bother playing it.

A charming actiony platformer in which you play as a cute dinosaur. I like the game a lot, it is a lot of fun, and you can tell a lot of love went into making it. Sadly it isn't very well known and it's time on the Store is ending soon so I recommend folks get this enjoyable and adorable game sharpish and don't miss out on it.
10/10 would run around eating cavemen again :3

Pretty good updated version of the classic and modern classic AoE2. Not perfect, but nothing is, and it does indeed deserve the subtitle 'Definitive Edition'. Would recommend to old and new players of AoE and RTS games in general.

Don't listen to the folks that say this is a good 'bad' game; this is a great game, straight up.

In no other game can you blast away hordes of giant insects, robots, mechs, dragons, spaceships, aliens and kaiju like there's no tomorrow, and be rewarded with more and more ridiculous ways to ''Save our Mother Earth from any alien attack!'' with hundreds upon hundreds of varied awesome weapons, vehicles and tools.

Using four vastly different classes with their own arsenals and specialities and play styles with the help and 'co-operation' (citation needed) of your three best pals (best pals are not included with the game, not even in the crazy (read: even crazier than the vanilla game) DLC that's worth getting if you like the base game) - you can chant EDF! with integrity and courageous heroism!

Do not be put off by the odd, backwards and obtuse menu controls and UI. The gameplay is why you buy this game, the astonishing gameplay that must be played to be believed (the OST isn't too bad either). The game oozes a special brand of charm and character that few other games do. It can be a therapeutic run and gun or it can be a balls to the wall stress fest of tactics and trials.

You could play this solo but like most things it is best done with the co-operation and teamwork of other people. I recommend using one of the four profiles you can have as a solo one, one as a friend co-op, one as a general co-op, or you could mix them all together if you aren't OCD like I am. The game isn't boring playing solo, but it isn't intended to be played like that really, and can get quite tough on your own (TWSS).

10,000/10 would buy anime girl tank skins as premium DLC again
(p.s. don't bother with the motorbike on keyboard it controls like a battleship on the moon with Ray Charles at the helm)

gam is p gud i thimk

Lots of potenital and already great fun, especially with a load of cool mods. Can't wait to see where this game leads, could be capable of some truly brilliant gameplay with continued focused development. Worth the money if you enjoy sandbox-esque arcade battle sims. TL; DR: Basically a mixture of a Battlefield type game and Ultimate Epic/Totally Accurate Battle Simulator, if you like the sound of that you're bound to have many hours of fun playing around with this game, bearing in mind it is still an early access title and will eventually be more fleshed out and polished (one very much hopes so anyhow).

By far the weirdest, most original, inspired SR game in the franchise (yes even moreso than the one where you fight aliens and the one where you fight the devil). The only game I know of where you can do the following things;

-get paid to plaster the city in septic sewage
-take down a voodoo using Rastafarian drug baron
-take down a mullet toting giant monster truck driving white supremacist (he's obvs a white supremacist even though he has a half Hispanic mechanic on retainer, who btw just looks like a white dude who's been dipped in tea)
-take down a gang of what are basically ninjas on fancy motorbikes and sports cars with faces that are meant to look asian but in the game's engine just look botoxed to hell (basically an amalgamation of every epic japanese stereotype there is fyi)
-get attacked by an old black lady judge with a pump shotgun
-fight off waves of angry hobos after you invade their underground city and then later their cave lair (that entire sentence is not a typo, you read it correctly)
-you can play as a cockney alien transgender clown nudist mutant who only uses shock paddles and fire extinguishers to fight with and who does the macarena before every battle to really taunt the enemy

Make sure you play it with a controller and get a community patch for it, for this is the best game ever made, you may as well play it right.

1000/10 cannot recommend enough

The debate over which is the best Elder Scrolls game will probably be the last thing humanity agrees upon, after all other conflicts and arguments are settled, that will be the final divisive issue. I think they're all equally grand and flawed, pretty much on par with each other. Maybe in some ways Skyrim isn't as interesting as Oblivion or as intricate as Morrowind, but it is Skyrim, and it's reputation precedes it in a big way. Simply in terms of scale it must be given some credit and I think a lot of the schtick it gets as a game is not particularly fair or even handed. It does several things much better than its predecessors and is all in all a damn fine bit of vidya that stands nicely on its own merits.

This game is janky, unpolished, unfinished, ridiculous, nonsensical, overambitious, and at first underwhelming. It is still one of the funnest games I've ever played. It is every stick man battle scene drawn as a child when bored in maths class come to life. It gives answers to the questions no-one ever asked, like 'if a horde of zombies, an army of clone soldiers, a legion of robots and a box overflowing with giant crabs all fought each other, who would win?' (spoiler alert: it's the crabs - don't ask).

Needless to say, Cortex Command is the greatest janky, unpolished, unfinished, ridiculous, nonsensical, overambitious, and at first underwhelming video game there will ever be, and much like how in medieval times the most grotesque dunces throughout the land were regaled as incredible jesters fit for kings, given more prestige than barons and knights, CC must be appreciated and respected even with (and perhaps due to) all it's many, many silly flaws.

Edit:
I decided to play this again after three years, and actually in hindsight I disagree with my initial review, the game is very poorly made and lacklustre in almost every way and I shouldn't have given it a recommended rating at any point. Alas I will not alter the original review, but clearly my standards were lower back then. Even as I said how the game was very flawed, I still was giving it credit where it did not deserve any.

A pretty decent follow up to JC2, a bit less copy and pasted architecture, a better story and more things to actually do.

Also a really nice looking game (albeit without great optimisation so make sure your rig is more than adequate) with lovely looking pyrotechnics, which is all you can really desire from a series that made it's name with vast quantities of explosions.

You basically bring the protagonist's home nation to it's knees via a sequence of ever larger and ever more destructive firework displays. If any of that sounds good to you, you may want to check out this game.

Oh and you can tie two strangers together and attach multiple small rockets to their bodies and send them into the atmosphere, kind of forcing them to become star crossed lovers for the ten or twenty seconds they remain semi alive before the fuel runs out and they plummet back to the fatally solid planet.