Noob's How to play Guide

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If you are a noob to this whole CS thing, this guide should help you to become t3h b3s7 3v4R CS p1aY3r:

1. Install Steam. This might be the trickiest part of the procedure as Steam absolutely adores to crash, give random errors, ban you, set you on fire etc.
2. Go to www.google.com
3. Type in "Hacks for counter strike".
4. Download and Install hacks (these usually come with an idiot quide so are quite easy to install if you have at least half a brain)You'll never uninstall them because you'll love them so much or the fact they're viruses.
5. Start up CS. Click options, in name type: "I R H4X0r"
6. Open console and type: bind MOUSE1 "say LOL I T3H PWNT OYU!! n4B!1111!; kill
7. Join random server especially with VAC security and activate hack.
8. Enjoy being t3h b3s7 3v4R CS p1aY3r.
9. get killed and call somone else a hacker, then sit back and rofl away!
10. when leaving say "btw tbh with ya im using wall hacks PWND" and run like the french.
11. before you leave say "f#^k you all up the anal"

There you have it. You have become the best in 8 easy steps. Don't worry if it says you got VAC banned. It only means you got promoted.