The Cockslapper
Mr. Aldrig Stor   Trondheim, Sor-Trondelag, Norway
 
 
No, I won't trade | Yes, I have enough games. (I'm lying)
There is nothing to find here, and that is a fact.
The account's modified, and that is that.

Please stop using; 'High pressure water vapor' + 'Included non-encrypted messaging service', as a place for queries related to low effort one-liners and/or uploading images without context.

-Thank you for your cooperation-
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5,4 Jam dimainkan
Titled: 'The crying dollar'

Prologue/authors notes:
I despise this game with amounts I foresaw humanly impossible. How can this game take the worst f*cking elements of every racing game ever and combine it into one?

Graphics: Forza Horizon 2 was better then this ♥♥♥♥.
Open world: Is exactly that, 'open', like a damned wasteland in Fallout
AI: Rubberbands like it's some alternate NFS Underground era all over again.
Quantity over quality: Of course we need 750+ items to grind for.

Vehicles:
-Airplanes: Them ballers pull 30G and could commit multiple mass crimes before getting destroyed.
-Sport Cars: Semi-okay driver assisted land boats.
-Dirt bikes: Can accelerate at an angle of 70 degrees?
-Rally cars: Hopeless sand boats, the bigger the spoiler the harder the ai slaps. Steering is weird
-Drift cars: Just as low grossing as Tokyo Drift in 2006, feels very forced.
-Boat races: Handles better then most cars but seems to permanently suffer from 'permanent hurricane' syndrome, in which the speed varies wildly for jackshaft reasons.

Upgrades: It doesn't matter which car you choose, it'll all result in the same 'end stage' performance levels. Of course you can't buy them and have to unlock them FOR EVERY SUCKING CAR.

Currencies: 'Because we're tighter than bark on a tree'

UI: Generic mobile game vibes from this one, nothing makes sense. Everything takes ages to load and there's no good menu's. God forbid you have to reset because the game suddenly decides to utilize it's 4th dimension physics again.

If there's one positive to mention then it's the great story, all I vaguely remember is loading screens and 'HOLD ESC FOR 10 MINUTES' to continue. 10/10 would skip again. At least there's no bugs, they prefer to manifest in games that are worthwhile. (I'd be an honor if the player no clipped away while the game tries to save you by crashing, or, if a car gets stuck in a barrier, so you don't have to experience the steering any longer.'

Conclusion:
Please shut them servers down already, may god let the players see the light, let this abomination die.

Yours sincerely,
The slapper
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Juiced Clean 17 Okt 2024 @ 6:22am 
mr smollcox and lonkhunt
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tiny d1ck energy
Juiced Clean 17 Okt 2024 @ 6:21am 
f*ck
Juiced Clean 17 Okt 2024 @ 6:21am 
♥♥♥♥
Juiced Clean 17 Okt 2024 @ 6:21am 
the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ :bearcellar:
cockmongler 12 Okt 2024 @ 8:32pm 
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