Hi? Do you not read my letters anymore? I was trying to rent some more of your sinkwater but it seems like my parcel requests aren't going through on your mail. I've subbed at bronze tier and even Meta - Cash App you the required amount but don't seem to be getting a response? I'm sure this is just a mistake. I'm feeling really depressed and dementia'd right now, I thought we building something fine and don't want you to throw this opportunity away. I'm not like the other boys and I swear I can prove it if you give me a chance.

Hello? Do you not read my messages anymore? I was trying to buy some more of your bathwater but it seems like my chat requests aren't going through on your Patreon. I've subbed at gold tier and even Venmo you the required amount but don't seem to be getting a response? I'm sure this is just a mistake. I'm feeling really hurt and confused right now, I thought we building something special and don't want you to throw this opportunity away. I'm not like the other guys and I swear I can prove it if you give me a chance.

About an hour after breakfast I saw a bit of marmalade on my jumper. I picked it off and put it in my mouth. Sadly, it was jelly from the cat food.

Don’t you dare

Don’t you

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DARE

besmirch Eowyn’s name like that You know how many cookbooks they have in Edoras? How many culinary classes? They don’t, that’s how many. You learn to cook from your family and guess what, Eowyn doesn’t get to hang around her mom and dad, her duty is to take care of the king, who for god knows how long has been 60 going on 160, totally ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ useless and only takes advice from an escaped convict from Madame Tussaud’s, no one can even be bothered to fix the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ flag and Eowyn’s job has been to pretend like all of this is a-oh-♥♥♥♥♥♥♥-kay all the while training with a sword, and on top of that she’s pretty damn light on good cooking influences - Eomer, the only family she’s got that doesn’t have ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Saruman‘s hand up their ass is Eomer, who eats a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ brick of meat off a knife. You really expect her to learn to make a good vichyssoise from The Meat Marshal?

No ♥♥♥♥♥♥ way, Eowyn is stressed af and she’ll be damned if you’re gonna give her ♥♥♥♥ for not being able to Gordon Ramsay on the road with nothing edible but lumps of whatever the hell that was in the soup. Tbh it’s a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ miracle considering the circumstances that Eowyn managed to conjure soup out of nothing - you’re not gonna give her ♥♥♥♥ because she didn’t add enough flour to the base, you take it and are ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ grateful.

Aragorn understood this. Did he complain like some ♥♥♥♥♥♥ suburban parent at an Olive Garden? No he ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ didn’t, because that would be a grade A ~♥♥♥♥ move~, and because Eowyn would’ve probably just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ lost it and killed him on the spot and then we wouldn’t have gotten a third movie, and if Aragorn understands one thing it’s box office ka-ching. He’s not stupid, he wants his $$$ and to not die and to not be a piece of ♥♥♥♥.

So you don’t. Talk. Smack. Bout. Baeowyn’s. Soup.

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