Recent reviews by onesockman

Old World is an amazing Civ-like game that really takes you back in time to an older, more brutal, more unforgiving and less sentimental time. Incense is burning and the palm trees are swaying outside your mud-brick ziggaraut. There are many things occupying your attention... There is a mob gathering in your capital, demanding the temple doors be opened, there is an invasion force massing many miles to the west, your own soldiers are hungry for battle, but your best general recently died and your inexperienced nephew has taken his place. Your step-mother schemes and plots in the shadows of the palace, still resentful that the throne went to you and not your stepbrother. Your late father made many mistakes, and now you must pay for them. Your son has been acting out during his studies... perhaps philosophy was not the best choice for the boy, the army may have knocked some sense into him. But now instead of studying battle planning and logistics, he has taken on a pet monkey that he takes everywhere he goes. It's frankly an embarrasment. You take another bite of your glazed date and look out the stone crenelation at the azure-green river lazily drifting below you, slave barges carrying stone upriver to the monument your father ordered built, it's construction carrying on apace even as the man who ordered its erection lies rotting in the family crypt. He may have ordered it, but YOU will get the credit for its completion... if you live long enough to see it done, that is.

You are not without friends. Your spymaster is still loyal... building spy networks in far off Egypt. The priest of the pagan religion of your ancestors still loves you as one of the true believers, but your father encouraged the spread of Zoroastrianism, and the followers of Ahura Mahzda are relentless, begging you convert to the new creed. You've thought about it on many occasions, the mystic teachings of Zoroaster resonate deep in your heart, but to convert would be to alienate hundreds of thousands of your most loyal supporters... And then there's your wife: a foreigner from the lands you are now at war with. Your father thought a marriage would strengthen the bonds between your kingdoms, but even he could not foresee the ambition in the hearts of the young. The old king died, and his son and heir bore no love for you, nor his sister, your wife. Though the bonds between husband and wife are unbreakable, your people distrust her immensely, given her heritage. And deep down, you wonder if even you do. Your loyal spymaster surely doesn't. Of course, you've taken a concubine, what ruler doesn't once in a while? And perhaps one of your other generals harbors unrequited feelings for you, bringing complications all its own. But surely your wife understands all this? Surely it wouldn't put her in a foul temper... after all, she was the daughter of a king. She knows what burdens and pleasures come with the crown. At least, she should.

You return to the map laid out before you as the smell of salt and fire gently drifts in through the window, mingling with the incense. The sound of saws and hammers ring out; aural proof of the mighty navy you are constructing in your capital. And you will need it. Your eyes scan the mass of blue in the center of the map. The Carthaginians you're at war with have the strongest navy in the Central Sea, and your fathers army will mean nothing on the water. Scribes and priests, astromancers and astrologers are all scribbling away and consulting the ancient texts, as well as the tea leaves, desperately trying to find a technology that will give you the edge in the coming campaign. Once the sea is taken, the assault on their homeland can begin.

You trace your finger on the papyri map, drawing a straight line up from the sea. The barbarians in the north are as yet an unknown factor. They could be a great friend, or a powerful enemy. If your son would only lose the pet monkey, perhaps he could be married with the chiefs young daughter, and an alliance could still be struck. With their support a two pronged attack could squeeze the Carthaginian homeland. You close your eyes, a plan forming in your mind.

People will die no matter the choices you make; but you were prepared for this. You knew from the moment you were born you would be king. Now you need to rule.

best total war. i could write a better review, but this is all you really need to know. Like Total War? This is the best one. Get it.

When I start playing, it's really really hard for me to stop. I actually bricked my last computer because I kept falling asleep with Stellaris running. It's uh... not healthy. But it IS a good game.

EDIT: I want to amend my review for this game. When I first reviewed it, I don't think I fully understood how good or compelling this game was, and I was frustrated because it wasn't like older Total Wars, and that's what I wanted and expected. I was dissappointed that the closest to a historical modern total war we were getting was this. However, after a few years of not playing this game, I've come back to it and have been absolutely sucked in. I think it's an incredible game, and its a lot of fun.

The best things about it are the diplomacy and kingdom management. The characters are great too. Playing a Cao Cao campaign and really making use of the epsionage, along with Cao Cao's schemes, was a wonderful experience that opened my eyes to some of the new things the devs of this game tried to do, and the lengths to which they went to bring the Romance of the Three Kingdoms to a Total war game. They did a great job.

The battles are not a slouch either. Once I learned a lot more about how units interact and how important strategy actually CAN be to winning a battle, my opinion about it changed. I enjoy hero progression. I enjoy the retinue system. I learned to think differently. In older Total Wars, once you built an army you never disbanded them. In this game, keeping 4 to 6 armies on the map in midgame is a huge mistake. The beauty of the system is that you can recall generals, not pay upkeep on their retinues, and then re-deploy to another front when you get into a war. It rewards strategic thinking. It rewards long term planning. It rewards thinking outside the box.

TLDR my opinion has completely shifted 180 degrees on this game. I think it's not only an amazing and honorable entry into Total War, but it's more than that. It's a great game on its own merit, and it looks like much of what they did here will not return in future TW games, which I think is a shame. But then again, my need to have every game be "like" the older total wars I loved closed my mind to this game and all the changes and improvements they made to fit in with the 3k period. So maybe future games won't have what they introduced here, but I will keep an open mind that whatever they DO have may be well worth it.

I've left my old review below so you can see just how much I've changed my mind after playing for a few hundred more hours. For context, I have played as Liu Bei in Mandate of Heaven, Cao Cao, Sun Jian and Ma Teng in rise of the Warlords. Haven't played any of the other DLC yet.

OLD REVIEW BELOW___________________________________
Honestly I like this game. But it's not Total War. This isn't a game about battle tactics or strategy. Its a game about higher numbers and more super invincible heroes. Its a marvel movie wearing a strategy game costume. It's kind of sad to see how low CA has gone, and even more sad that this game is getting such high praise. I mean, its a good game if you're looking for something like DOTA but with massive battles. But its a terrible game if you're looking for a computer strategy war game, which up until recently, is what Total War was. :(

I feel like I should qualify the above statement: This game is fun. It is a very fun game, and I do enjoy playing it. IF it didn't have "Total War" in it's name, this would be a thumbs up review. But this.... isn't a total war game. For people who have played Total War since the beginning, this isn't even CLOSE to a Total War game. If you've come to the franchise after Warhammer, you will most likely love this game. If you enjoy the Romance of the Three Kingdoms story, or the characters, you will most likely love this game. I happen to love this period of Chinese History, so I really do enjoy getting into the mindset of the characters and living out their stories, or making completely new ones. It is fun, and the diplomacy system gives you a lot of options for interesting stories to play out.

So why is this a thumbs down? Because this just isn't a Total War game. It just isn't. It wants to be (maybe), it pretends to be, it looks like it is, but it really isn't. There will be choices you will have to make, and there are battles, and towns, and a campaign map, and battle maps, and all that stuff. But the core mechanics are not total war. This game doesn't even pretend to try to be historically accurate, or to simulate actual warfare in any way. You can't use tactics from real life and expect them to work in this game. In fact, the actual battle tactics are so far removed from reality, that you should forget everything you think you know about military tactics and play this game on its own terms the way the devs WANT you to play. There isn't really room for creativity. For example, everything is stat and number based. Remember those awesome epic battles in the old glory days of Medieval 2 when you were hopelessly outmatched but somehow still won due to better tactics, a bit of pluck and daring and dash? Well, that will never happen in this game. I routed an entire attacking army using five melee cavalry in a settlement defense battle. If this had been any other NON HERO BASED total war game, that would have ended the battle. The general would have been killed once caught out alone. Not so in three kingdoms. Their three surviving generals proceeded to completely annihilate my cavalry, even though they had no army to speak of. What are they gonna do, occupy the town with just the three of them? This isn't even the most egregious example. I get it. There is a romance and a records mode, and if you want history you do records mode, blah blah blah. But lets be real. Records mode is a hastily added in mod basically, and the generals are still OP in records mode. I do appreciate that its something different, but this is the direction the whole franchise is going in, and its really sad to see. Gone are the days when Total War attempted to let you see what it would have been like to be on famous battlefields throughout history. Now you just get to watch super men with capes cut down hordes of faceless mushmen and then do battle with each other using magic powers and slowly ticking down each others health bars like youre running a dungeon in world of warcraft cleaning up mobs. It just doesn't feel like real war. Every battle ends up being kind of the same exact thing. There is no room for tactics, no room for strategy. Just send the higher numbers at the lower numbers over and over and over and over again.

It does look awesome though.

Edit: I changed my review from a negative to a positive... just dont expect classic Total War and you'll still have a great time. But I do recommend getting the no caltrops mod. Caltrops *will* ruin your experience given the way they are implemented. I've seen units of trash tier archers hurl caltrops over an entire city block, completely decimating two units of level 8 spear guards. Anything that can be hurled over an entire city block by a single man is not something that is heavy enough to kill even one man, let alone ten to twenty. Caltrops are ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ stupid. They ruin the game.

best city builder

I really want to spend some time and write a good, informative review..... at some point. For now, I need to start playing again. I will say this much though:

This is a great game. A truly great game.

Game is good now. Buy.

OG REVIEW: I would recommend the game, because it is really fun and addicting to mess around with. However, I must say, assassinations happen far too frequently. It makes the game unrealistic and unfun. When was the last time a leader of the western world even had an ATTEMPT made on their life? It's ridiculously easy to get assasinated in this game. Even with 79% capitalist support, I routinely get killed by members of Battenburg Group. It's really stupid. Even if you're pleasing ethnic minorities, you will get killed by the black power group. It's easier to die in this game than it is to die in Grand Theft Auto or other shooting games. Really stupid. However I still recommend the game due to how fun the rest of it is. If you don't mind constantly watching your back for a snipers bullet, and having the looming threat of almost certain assassination hanging over your entire playthrough, then get it. So far I have played through seven full games, and I only avoided being assassinated in one of them. Ridiculous.


EDIT: I'm coming back to change this to a Not Recommended. The game is fun, but the assasinations ruin it. They're really ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ dumb. The people who made this game really ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up with the assassinations. They basically ruin an otherwise entertaining, if slightly ridiculous, policy simulator. Black Power Group, Warriors of Gaia, these groups would never actually assassinate the president. You can have full spy defense and still get killed by a group that has less than 1000 people in it. It's just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ stupid. Every game I play where I actually try to do something interesting or entertaining or literally anything except exactly what the devs want you to do, you get killed. IT makes you think you can "run the country however you want" but in reality you are running the country like a terrified child hiding in a bunker and doing the bidding of any special interest group that has more than 10 people in it because if you don't do exactly what these psycopaths want they will find you, and they will kill you... no matter what. Dumb game. Dont waste your money on it. If there was a mod to remove assassinations the game might actually be fun but I feel kinda bad recommending that the people who made this game continue to make money off it with such terrible game design decisions. Who thought the assassinations were fun, or good, or improved the game? Which Dev came up with that idea? Throw him to us and let us tear the flesh from his bones, then I'll put the review back to a thumbs up.


EDIT 2: I'm a dumbass. Apparently you can just turn off assasinations in the options menu. I did that, and the game is fun again. Though it would be nice if you could leave them on and only have them happen in a realistic way, but whatever. It's a fun time-killer for sure.

I think it's a great game.

Medieval Kingdom Wars is a Grand Strategy/RTS game that reminds me of a mix of a very simplified Paradox campaign map, with Total War elements, and then very Age of Empires style real time battles in a battle map. This game has a really cool concept, I've always wanted a game like this, and after reading the description apparently the 3 man Dev team always has as well, and they've made a pretty neat little game. What it lacks in complexity and depth it makes up for in pure fun, and it is fairly addictive as well. It's not as immersive as a total war game or a paradox game, you won't really feel Super in the 14th century, as many of the units are still fairly generic, but the devs are CONSTANTLY updating this game, and it's always getting better with every update. Okay, lets do a quick rundown of it's features and then some pros and cons:

Features:
Allows you to play as various historically accurate lords from all over western Europe. Each lord is subordinate to the King of that particular kingdom, and the player can eventually become king of the kingdom by killing the king himself, or waiting for the king to die and having the highest prestige when this happens. The diplomatic system is probably the weakest aspect of this game, as diplomacy is pretty much non existent and the best thing to do in almost all situations is just kill as many people as you can. However, it does help to have allies, so just send some money their way and they will love you. ON the campaign map, you have a certain amount of settlements and cities, which are the two administrative units of land. Settlments are smaller and don't start off with walls, however you can build them after upgrading. Cities are larger and better defended, and honestly the city \maps are absolutely gorgeous, extremely detailed and very fun to fight in! From the campaign map you can build buildings, collect taxes, research technology and raise armies, you will also order your armies around and plan your strategies. Everything on the campaign map happens in real time, and though the game might start off slow, things can get rather hectic rather quickly, so you can pause and slow down time on the campaign map if need be, which is a nice touch.

Once your army is close enough to an enemy town or army, you can order an attack. Then the game loads (very briefly I must say, which is really nice) up the zoomed in battle maps, and the game turns into basically an AGe of Empires style RTS, where you gather resources, build buildings and engage in combat. If you have a large enough army from the start of the battle, you won't need to build anything and you can simply launch a full scale attack a la total war. The core gameplay loop of building your town, building an army, sending it to battle, capturing another town and then building that one up is pretty addictive, and one of my favorite parts of the game is simply visiting my towns and cities and building them up as strong as I possibly can. I love the empire building aspect of the game and the feel of really growing your kingdom and your cities. The battles are really fun too, although the unit graphics are slightly dated, they do get the job done, and seeing a haze of blood descend over the battlefield is always enjoyable. It's even more fun when the corpses begin to rot in the street and you send peasants to scavenge the dead bodies for resources. Oh I didn't mention you can force peasants to scavenge dead corpses for resources? Well, yeah, you can do that. The best parts of the battles are the sieges, which can become extremely suspenseful. I remember one time I was laying siege to Granada as the kingdom of ARagon, but I did not bring a large army with me to the battle, thinking I could set up for a long siege and recruit soldiers during the siege. Little did I know Granada had a huge reinforcing army close enough to reinforce the city. Pretty soon the besiegers became the besieged as I desperately constructed a wooden palisade around the outskirts of the city wall to protect my small force from the massive Granadan army until I could build up some reinforcments. After an hour and a half of bloody and brutal combat, We finally turned the tide of the assault and managed to launch our own attack on the city. After another hour of bloody and desperate street by street fighting, we captured the city. This game creates a lot of cool little stories like that.

However the game is not without its drawbacks. There are some serious flaws in the design philosophy, in that when you are not in the city view, building buildings and buying units costs silver. But when you are in city view, these same things cost resources, which you gather basically for free. This very strange dual resource system makes absolutely no sense and seems like a band aid that will not last much longer if the game wants to be taken super seriously. There should be global resources, and everything should cost the same no matter where you are building it from. Perhaps buildings always cost wood, stone, etc, but you can use silver to hurry the building process up? In its current state you can easily recruit MASSIVE armies basically for free if you are willing to be a little patient. This is a serious problem in my opinion. It's very cheap as well because the campaign map pauses when you are in city view. So say a gigantic army is heading for one of your undefended towns. What do you do? Well, its simple. Go into city view, take all the time you want building up a huge army for free, and then leave city view. When the army arrives at what they thought was an undefended city, all of a sudden a massive army is there waiting for them. Doesn't make any sense.

I have every confidence the devs will solve these problems though. The core game is an extremely fun and fresh take on the Grand Strategy/RTS genre, a really cool hybrid that will appeal to casual gamers of both proclivities, and even probably some more hardcore gamers as well. Is it a challenge to Paradox and Creative Assembly? Well, not quite. I'd say its more a shot across the bow. However, I salute and support the dedicated and creative 3 man team behind this fun little gem of a game, and I recommend you do as well. I think this game can only get better with time, and It's definitely worth the asking price.