i'm in massive trouble i don't give a 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸 when my court date is they can come and arrest me there have been lots of strange things happening lately two nights ago my gfs cupboard opened on its own and i was just looking at myself cuz it got a mirror on it lol also last night my gf says that the taps turned on in the bathroom and my fone lit up at the same time there has been a ghost at her house for a longtime its not about me also i think i'm closer to god now more than ever i think i need prison i'm sorry if i ever hurt anybody it was drinking but drink is because of no love if you get me i'm drunk now and alls i care about is myself i'm going prison and wanted you to know there are a few characters i'm angry with sorry i can't help it i started going church because evil thoughts got to my head

u alright

nipped co-op yesterday and sucked off an innocent pooch for a bottle of prime

Dunnae know what tae 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻 do man. Dunnae what tae 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻 do. You know what I'm gonna do I'm just gonna walk wae into the nearest 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻 pub right I'm gonna wait til I see someone having a drink fae their 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻 pint glass like at I'm just gonna go like at man 𝗦𝗟𝗔𝗠 man 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻 cut 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸 intae face man 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻 joker man cut his 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻 face off man. I need tae get back intae that jail man that'll give me a good 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻 5 year that, that'll give me a good 5 year that.

I spend 5 hours masturbating before my prostate exams. I edge, and edge and edge, until a butterfly sneezing on my taint could bring me to the end. I tactfully shuffle my way down to the doctor's office and when he lubes up I nearly 𝗰𝘂𝗺 every time. But I've trained my 𝗰𝗼𝗰𝗸 muscles enough to the point where I can hold in Mount Vesuvius' wrath. Then as soon as he puts the smallest bit of pressure on my prostate I unleash with the fury of a lion hunting its prey. As the room gets covered in my hot sticky juices the doctor looks on disgusted and leaves the room. I always go to a hospital far away from where I live to get it so that I don't have to go in for surgery under the doctor that I busted to. Best thing is we have free healthcare here, so the doctor gets me off and it's covered by taxpayers. That's my fetish.

get off my profile troll

MOVING ON #USA

Welcome to the bread bank, we sell bread, we sell loafs, we got bread on deck, bread on the flo, toasted, roaste- bro shut the 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸 up, listen i just need a baguette and a brioche, we don’t have either of those you can get the gluten-free white bread or the potato bread, what the 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸 is gluten take that 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝘁 out. It’s gluten free, i don’t CARE if it’s free. Yeah, i got my dollar store camera ON, what’s the 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 situation, what the 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸 do you want, im the mother 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 MANAGER, at the bread store?,

𝗕 𝗥 𝗘 𝗔 𝗗.

whos ur uncle ozzy

get off my profile

imagine losing to iran

your ♥♥♥♥ enjoy going home

saved by penalty

dont think so sweetheart

usa 2-0 wales

Wherever I go, my amazing Immortal Dota rank follows me like a stench. Men, women, children, anyone: if they hear that I have extreme skill and a diverse pool of mains, they only see me as some gamer god.

Sometimes I'll be on my way home, thinking it's past-time to get funny. But then crowds plead me to my computer and beg me on their hands and knees to let them witness "another 5 man cogs." Is that all I am? A set of fingers, a pair of eyeballs, blessed and cursed to be so much better than you at this game?

Pro Dota players of Steam: how do you get along with others when all they can think about is your dextrous fingers and massive map awareness?

I have a knack for being able to eat paper with ease. Sometimes when I finish a drumstick lolly I melt the stick with my spit and slowly swallow it. Once I made an embarrassing drawing so I ripped the paper up and ate it piece by piece. I then went on to test my wits against a piece of cardboard. Before you could look, it was gone. My ability to eat boxes surpasses my ability to eat box. I'm sure that I'd easily be able to eat the mcdonalds happy meal box with little effort.

Ever since the Frozen movie came out my brother and little sister have been obsessed with the movie. At the time my mom bought my sister a small Anna silicon doll.

My brother is 15 now and has been obsessed with Anna recently. He has pictures of her on his phone and such. I also noticed the doll is now in his room - When I asked him about it he said he thinks she’s hot - I said okay and left.

This is where it gets bad. One time I peeked into his room and he was on all fours, curious I pushed the door open a little more. I saw him with his pants off and with the doll inside his 𝗮𝘀𝘀. THE WHOLE BODY. Just the head and hair was sticking out.

I was so shocked I couldn’t speak I just walked away and went into my room. I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t know I saw and honestly I am scared to ask him about it. Should I pretend it never happened or should I say something? I don’t think it’s healthy to be sticking an Anna doll up your 𝗮𝘀𝘀 no matter what.

i'm in massive trouble i don't give a 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸 when my court date is they can come and arrest me there have been lots of strange things happening lately two nights ago my gfs cupboard opened on its own and i was just looking at myself cuz it got a mirror on it lol also last night my gf says that the taps turned on in the bathroom and my fone lit up at the same time there has been a ghost at her house for a longtime its not about me also i think i'm closer to god now more than ever i think i need prison i'm sorry if i ever hurt anybody it was drinking but drink is because of no love if you get me i'm drunk now and alls i care about is myself i'm going prison and wanted you to know there are a few characters i'm angry with sorry i can't help it i started going church because evil thoughts got to my head

phil collins was on in car on way back from police thank you for not pressing charges u know who u are 🙏 if i ever fall into drinking again and start being nasty please do press charges i'd like u to because i bloody deserve it 🙈 i'm not going back to my ex partner drinking its not her fault anyway its me i been like this since school drinking and slowly getting worse taking the piss instead of growing a pair and taking it out on other ppl now iv gotten older n realised i've missed out 😟 i'm still up to my neck in trouble for other things anyway and most of all almighty god sees everything and nobody getting past him anyway he is the best god save our gracious souls ✝️

With my beef curtains now much like Pete Burns' lips, he thought it was time to start shoving my rusty bullet hole. Is now the time to tell him I really need to cop a toilet twinkie, I wondered? I awoke the next morning with my clunge pool still leaching. I thought it was over but his arse plunger had other ideas. After having my arse gutter gaped, he then proceeded to thrust my vintage golf bag. By now, my clearing in the woods was haemorrhaging like Adele waiting for Greggs to open. The seemingly never-ending streams of love piss emanating from his balony pony soon had me coated like a plasterer's radio.

Hey it’s me, we just played together. I noticed you didn’t add me but I send you a friend request haha, maybe it glitched or something you’re pretty cool though like I said before, that’s why I got my team to throw for you. It’s so cool to see a girl playing in games though. I know you have a boyfriend so I hope he treats you well. Like if I was you’re boyfriend I’d make you sandwiches while you play and buy you chocolate and give you back rubs and call you cool and laugh with you at all your jokes, not real though because we aren’t together (at least yet) ;) Yeah so haha you should totally accept my friend request so we can talk more and have fun together, just as friends of course coz otherwise it would be weird and I don’t want to get cooties from you ewwwww (just joking, I would like your cooties) :p

i come home from work yesterday releived myself but battled not wanking for hours and whilst i was battling it like i went abit mad was thinking about ancient monks who would practise going there whole lives without releiving themselves as a test of devotion to god was thinkiing about why my life went the way it did why iv always struggled with premature ejaculation and also what the devil did that ♥♥♥♥ everything up and my mind spirals on millions of other things too use your imagination but when i gave in and relieved myself the second i was relieved this shard of light came across my ceiling from a cars headlights driving up the street which happens all ths time it was god calling me a wanker

Me n my girl got married without god saying it's ok does that make me bad piss take again the devil why does it have to be a ring because the devil telling jesus kiss it I'm getting the bottom of it all before I'm dead I promise bare with me 💙

no replies tonight my heads ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ in the shed .... please dont pm me and ask me if im ok because im not going to reply heads bouncing .. chill then bed

💙just sharing my feelings I’m sitting here on my own watching top gear trying talk to Jesus and what he started doing is speaking but only making a tiny effort he gone quieter I won’t explain how but iv really upset him by how iv turned out n it’s crazy because iv realised it n have got this rlaship with him but I’m in such a state n arent going do anything for him n it could of been such a different story😞anybody can have a rlaship with him btw x

the truth is that i have a crush on you and i just feel like i don't have a right to do so since i don't even know you properly i mean i have no idea about your favourite food or your favourite animal and it just makes me so sad i mean it's really weird to have a crush on person who is almost completely stranger to me but hah i guess that that is the world of adults since people met at bars and online and stuff but i guess that when you meet someone online on some crappy dating site you at least know something idk idk im sorry i'm weird and a mess and i really apologize for being creepy i never wanted to act like that and it really makes me sad since now you must think that i'm a creep or something well i am a creep but i don't want to be a creep

lol you think just coz you've left owl u can escape ME? hahahahahahAHAHAHAH

WOOOOAH YA ♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥! YOU'VE GOT NO FANS....YOU'VE GOT NO GROUND...

those ♥♥♥♥♥♥ 'awks are playin' well..

"ya wot?!"

I said those ♥♥♥♥♥♥' 'awks are playin well

"you want sum?"

I-Wha? I just said those 'awks are playin' well

"You're playin' ♥♥♥♥! You've got NO FANS! N' yer a bunch of wankahs!"

Alright? Calm do-

"If you want some I'LL GIVE IT YER....YOU WANNA DEAL WITH ME?"

silver 3 cheating in cs:go

With my beef curtains now much like Pete Burns' lips, he thought it was time to start shoving my rusty bullet hole. Is now the time to tell him I really need to cop a toilet twinkie, I wondered? I awoke the next morning with my clunge pool still leaching. I thought it was over but his arse plunger had other ideas. After having my arse gutter gaped, he then proceeded to thrust my vintage golf bag. By now, my clearing in the woods was haemorrhaging like Adele waiting for Greggs to open. The seemingly never-ending streams of love piss emanating from his balony pony soon had me coated like a plasterer's radio.

WAles

i come home from work yesterday releived myself but battled not wanking for hours and whilst i was battling it like i went abit mad was thinking about ancient monks who would practise going there whole lives without releiving themselves as a test of devotion to god was thinkiing about why my life went the way it did why iv always struggled with premature ejaculation and also what the devil did that ♥♥♥♥♥♥ everything up and my mind spirals on millions of other things too use your imagination but when i gave in and relieved myself the second i was relieved this shard of light came across my ceiling from a cars headlights driving up the street which happens all ths time it was god calling me a wanker

hey, sorry I saw your profile and I just thought you looked cute in your picture, I really wanted to tell you that)) It's really rare to see girls playing video games haha! I don't know why its a guy thing honestly im like really against misogyny and like ill be the one in the kitchen making sandwiches. We should really play l4d2 sometime its a really cool zombie game with a lot of scary moments, but don't worry ill be there to protect you ;) sorry that wasnt flirting I swear Im just trying to be friendly I really like your profile picture sorry was that too far? Really sorry i'm really shy I don't go out much haha add me on skype we should talk more you look really nice and fun xxx

this is very halal profile thx for pley with my xx ok +rep

hello.... please stop harassing me with trade requests .

unitts jsut a fat mong man might wanna hit the gym sometime you psycho

hes boring me

hmmm this unitts guy seems a bit obsessed

crab

what the ♥♥♥♥ is that profile pic

dont clog my comments page... thanks :)

no worries mogs

thanks for the feedback..... glad you enjoyed the product ! :)

very good esexer, does the job well in GRAND THEF TAUTO ROLEPLAY

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