haha jefe bogard, his name jeff

Hi uhm! This is gonna be really crazy but hear me out? Please? Okay. Right. So my girlfriend goes by Jebuchadnezzar on her account and she tried to claim it aaaaand *bowomp* username is taken.. she uhm, she's really upset? Like. She won't eat, she's kinda refusing to sleep and saying it's stressing her out and that she's worried her friends are gonna forget her or not remember her because of her new name and it's just.. It's just really stressful for her. So I kinda come to you man to man and have to ask, can you change your name for me? For her? Surely there's another name you've gone by at some point? But for her she's always been Jebuchadnezzar and I don't want her having anymore anxiety attacks and with her history of self-harm and the fact we are long distance I am stressing over the fact I might not be there for her when it all becomes too much. This would help me a lot and most importantly you'd make the sweetest girl in the worlds day. So, thank you. It's an appeal to empathy

Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, we doin' your mom

I'm doin' your mom, yes, yours!
First saw her in the Walmart pickin' out your drawers
Big Dolly Parton hair like an '80s prom queen
But her ass was lookin' good all up in them mom-jeans
I approached her in the checkout line, and said, "Yo baby, wassup?"
She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs
Five minutes later, she agreed to get with me
So we went and rocked the minivan like giggity, giggity, giggity

When the person who pretends to be someone else in order to deceive others, especially for fraudulent gain is giving the impression that something is questionable or dishonest, causing one to have the idea or impression that they are of questionable, dishonest, or dangerous character or condition.

My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead, murdered by my brother-in-law Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a meth empire for over a year now and using me as his chemist. Shortly after my 50th birthday, Hank came to me with a rather, shocking proposition. He asked that I use my chemistry knowledge to cook methamphetamine, which he would then sell using his connections in the drug world. Connections that he made through his career with the DEA. I was... astounded, I... I always thought that Hank was a very moral man and I was... thrown, confused, but I was also particularly vulnerable at the time, something he knew and took advantage of.

Edit after 4 months: just today morning I discovered that she just got a boyfriend, she doesn't spend her time with me no longer, it's over, at the end, this dream of mine was just a dream. This will serve as a lesson to everyone. You can dream, you can hope, you can get excited, but life is cruel, and sometimes it won't let you alone, instead, preferring to let you down and hurt you. There is no way to change that... But still, I can't thank enough the people that sent nice messages and wished for the best. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart...