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I get up, and I snort my preworkout along with my first 4 scoops of whey. This is because it goes across the mucous membranes fastest and your body is protein starved after sleep. Then I get my girlfriend to wheel me into the kitchen for breakfast, because my body is catabolic first thing in the morning and literally any movement would cause loss of Gainz. For breakfast I eat 14 egg whites, 2 scoops of oats, in Almond milk because soy milk has estrogen in it and cows milk has too many calories. Then I do my pre-lift pump workout to get the freshly proteinated blood into my working sets of muscles.
I drive to the gym in my automatic car to avoid over exerting the left arm or leg with gear changes. I need to retain symmetry. For this reason, I've devised a route with an equal number of left and right turns. It takes me half an hour to drive four miles.
My workout is a 5-3-1 supersetted taper split program, with a simple 37 day repeat pattern, morning and afternoon. I have 2 accessories scheduled at 3am and 4:30am respectively, because that's the only remaining anabolic window.
I lift on the second floor of the gym, because you're further from the center of the earth, so gravity has to work harder and you lift more that way. I only do leg day during Syzygy, because that way the aligned forces of the Sun, moon, earth and at least 3 other planets maximize my gains, and a 100Lb squat becomes a legit 600lb squat.

Finally after my workout, I sit in the sauna for half an hour. This is because the heat draws toxins out of your body, and helps fresh fluids pump thorough your newly rekt muscle, helping it to grow. Also, I like mirin' other men’s butts.



My playstyle is a combination of the precision of a sledgehammer, the reaction times of a middle-aged woman, the recoil control of a new born baby, the movement of an elephant, and the game sense of a bruschetta salad.