Nedávné recenze uživatele Fosforito

(Disclaimer: As in my other reviews, any schizo rants in this review are for comedic effect and not representative of my true inner self. In other words it's a LARP, but represents my stream of thought in regards to this game's awesomeness.)
Do you want to play the most influential, dankest, top tier game of the whole human species/21st century/current everything?
Do you enjoy smoking the grass on the mun and jumping headfirst into the mohole?
Do you want to be visually educated about gravitational motion of 2 bodies?
Do YOU want to work for SpaceX or NASA or (insert your flavor of space agency)?
DO YOU WANT TO launch LITTLE GREEN MEN (& Valentina KerMAN) into SPACE?
DO YOU BASK IN THE GLORY OF NUCLEAR ARMAGG---(disk scratch) I MEAN SPACE EXPLORATION?
Look no further since this game is probably a requisite to even be considered for a position in any serious and relevant engineering endeavour... Yes I'm leaving you CS guys out you're not real engineers, just glorified code-monkeys, GPT and India has already replaced you. Even then, there's a mod for that, you dirty little code churning freaks.

Design, test and launch your Missil*COUGHCOUGH* Rockets, yes! *Space* Rockets with peaceful little green people onboard into space, YAAAY!!!! (For exploration & discovery purposes) Perfect game for little, medium and big children!

I have totally NOT designed tens if not hundreds of Hypersonic Unmanned Autonomous Vehicles (with peaceful purposes of course) that probably would land me a spot on some DARPA black project, I mean why else would I play with FAR full diff and RealFuels mods? Of course all of this is Purely Hypothetical, chord angles (heh) and shockwave simulation is way to complex for me! The X-183 is ABSOLUTELY not meant for nuclear payload delivery, noooo! Look it's got a thermometer and a barometer in it, it's just a innocent little plane that can go mach 10 without desintegrating and it's meant for scientific discovery! I swear! I would never work for the Iranians/russians/whatever boogeyman the ♥♥♥♥♥♥ says, so please don't SWAT me or space lazr me! (I've already painted my roof blue) I stand with KERBRAEL!! Also there's no EWAR ECCM or any other kind of shenanigans in it so please stop gangstalking me with your phased array neural exciters. My designs are entirely peaceful and for educational purposes only! :)
Thankfully lacks material science, or it would become even more scarily real.. oooh there must be a mod for that! In fact, there is a mod for everything. +1500 compatible full conversions and counting, make yourself a favor and get CKAN as soon as you install this game and go nuts. Yes, just go nuts and install all the mods. (editors note: maybe just a couple hundred)

This one is special ----> To be honest, this game is the only game I would like to have in a SHTF scenario, not even rocket league (since that one needs an internet connection)
If you want to even begin to fathom the wonder of the modern world, the reason you are even able to even read this review, STOP READING IT RIGHT NOW AND START PLAYING THE KERBAL SPACE PROGRAM.
LAST CHANCE BEFORE YOUR WORLDVIEW IS RADICALIZED!
NO SPACE MEANS NO PHONE NO BATTERIES NO POWER NO PENS, EVERYTHING WE HAVE DEPENDS IN ONE OR ANOTHER WAY ON SPACE, BACK TO THE INDUSTRIAL AGE TO WORK IN A SWEATSHOP LIKE THE GLORIFIED MONKEY ♥♥♥♥ SAPIEN SLAVES YOU TRULY ARE. THIS IS WHAT DEFINES THE TIME WE ARE ON. THIS IS WHAT ALLOWS US TO RISE TO THE OLD POWER STRUCTURES LIKE THE CHILDREN OF PROMETHEUS WE TRULY ARE. THIS IS THE TRUE MANIFEST DESTINY HUMANITY IS MEANT FOR. THIS IS WHAT WILL SET FREE OUR SPECIES, SPACE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING HUMANITY CAN DO WHY THE ♥♥♥♥ ARE YOU WASTING TIME PLAYING OTHER GAMES?
GO.
LAUNCH.
KERBALS.
TO.
SPACE.
RRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Edit: Oh and don't even bother considering the sequel, it sucks.

Tsundere gUrl-bAWss Eva Mills! (basically Vyse from Skies of Arcadia but female) in a pixel graphics top-down 2D looter shooter dodger.
Fast paced high stakes AIRSHIP COMBATIN' (scotman from samurai jack)
SHOOTIN' LOOTIN'
WOOD COLLECTIN'
CANISTER FILLIN'
HELM MANOUVERIN' N' FLYIN'
ISLAN' HOPPIN'
DADDY ISSUEIN'
ROCK PICKAXIN'
GASOLINE POWERED AIRSHIP DRIFTIN'
MONSTER EXPLODIN'
STORYRICH QUESTIN'
ANCIENT MYSTERY SOLVIN'
MOTH TAMIN'
WEAPON UPGRADIN'
SHIP MODIFYIN'
SKYCITY BUILDIN'
BIRDY CALLIN'
TOWN LIBERATIN'
GOOD OLE FUN WIF NICE PIXEL GRAPHICKIN'

FOSFORITO SEAL OF APROVAL 9/10 BUY IN DISCOUNT OR STRAIGHT OFF!!!

NOW FOR THE RANTY PART OF EVERY FOSFO REVIEW:
NOT A 10/10 BECAUSE NEEDS SOME QoL IN SOME PLACES LIKE STUPID UNSKIPPABLE ANIMATIONS LIKE UNDOCKING AND HOLDING DOWN BUTTONS FOR ALMOST EVERYTHIN' (♥♥♥♥ you devs it's frustrating to get stuck in between collision boxes and sometimes not reaching ♥♥♥♥ close ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ islands yes i know i can jump then hook, what-the-♥♥♥♥-ever)

Off to look for some rule 34 of this DAMN SHE'S HAWT I WANT 'ER TO CALL ME DADDY AND SPANK HER MOTH IF U CATCH MY "DRIFT"

EDIT: wtf, my rule 34 skills are rusty as ♥♥♥♥ I couldn't find any of Eva (the main chick) LEMME KNOW IF YOU DO!

Awesome game!
9/10 industrial revolution south-andean ethno-state simulator, nice gfx, love the little details on the map!
The UI is great and intuitive although the mechanics have a somewhat steep learning curve. Rewarding at all levels of gameplay.

I would take the time to post a more detailed review but then I realized... oh wow this is a Paradox Interactive game... So It will be DLC spammed and nerfed to accomodate DLCs, shame on you PDX!
I'm so glad I didn't (directly) pay for it! Thank you humble bundle! I'd like to support the developers directly, but Paradox being Paradox all the money goes directly to greedy salespeople, marketing, executives and shareholders. F-you in particular!
Pro-Tip: NEVER GIVE PARADOX YOUR MONEY UNLESS IT'S A BUNDLE OR OVER 70% DISCOUNT! Yes I'm a happy PDX hater. Fire all your management and replace them with passionate game builders, until then I'm boycotting your asses with the little I can do: keyboard warrioring.

Don't buy Paradox Games! They will launch a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ of overpriced DLC's and break your game to accomodate the DLCs!

Don't buy Paradox games! They'll eventually one up you as a player and break your game!

Worth on high discount. After many years of being released, the game still has fundamental flaws such as lack of windowed mode and no option to choose resolution, also constantly crashes and you lose progress when you least expect it. The game is kind of fun but every choice you think matters actually matters very little and under complex circumstances so you have to stack choices leaning to one political system or the other. Choices feel like they just change labels and budget. 6/10 kinda disappointed, but to be fair doesn't really deserves a thumbs down.

Ahhhh this game... At first I didn't even understand what this game was about. Is it a ghost hunter? A ghost killer? Nope... You're a ghost detective.
It's scary in a fun way; You go to a spooky scary haunted place or house or whatever and you must try to identify the ghost. No, you don't get to kill it or capture it like Ghostbusters or Luigi's mansion. There are like +20 different types of ghost and a lot of tools to identify them. You can use these things: a thermometer, UV sticks, lasers or a camcorder and like 10 more tools. Also there are a few items to interact in other ways with the ghosts, such as a crucifix or table salt, which may or may not work depending on the type of ghost it is.
Sometimes these ghosts may get mad at you for something you did or said (anything really) and may begin attacking and will kill you with one shot. There is an awful and macabre cutscene when you are killed. If you spend too long at a location they also get mad and kill you.
The atmosphere, sound FX and visual FX are top notch and add overall to the spookiness of the game.
The main selling point of this game I believe it to be its voice recognition, which is unfortunately somewhat clunky, you repeat the same thing over and over (are you here? can you hear me? are you going to harm me/us?) Then the ghost hears you and there are a few things to do with it other than try and provoke it to gather evidence. The phrases you can speak are too few (100s) so most of the time you end up cussing them and they attack immediately. I tried both spanish and english. Spanish didn't work very well, but this may be because my spanish is like scottish is to english (Chile).

The good parts of the game are too little too late, since leveling up is grindy AF and there are not enough maps to mitigate that "gets repetitive, boring and grindy fast". Also running speed is absurdly low and your player character has 'asthma' so you can't run for more than 3 seconds, which I think is an awfully cheap and non-creative way to make the game more difficult than it should really be, so it's got that BS difficulty factor.
The last couple of times I played it I as a human being got drowsy and stopped playing because I didn't want to put up with it anymore. Another important point to mention is: After identifying 10 ghosts you start taking the same steps every time and identifying whichever ghost becomes an easy task pretty quickly. Replay value is very low, just more iterations of the same process and I already play Rocket League for that matter.

To be honest this game doesn't cost much but I don't think its really worth buying. A more critical reviewer would say that Phasmophobia should be free on steam. Don't get me wrong the devs deserve their efforts compensated but the game is so SHORT and LIMITED which makes it become boring pretty soon.
I'd say I would play it again once in a moon with friends to have that spooky giggly nervousness, but it's not really my thing. As a technical piece of work it's awesome, as a game to play with friends its fun once in a while, but as a game to play alone every day, heck, even every week...meh I would seriously refund it if I could, because I thought there was more gameplay features locked behind leveling so I played more than 120 minutes... And there wasn't new gameplay after that.

Final score:
Overall it deserves a 6/10 because I got spooked a couple of times and had a couple of good laughs and nervous giggles, but there's a few hectares of improvement to be made. AND the game is abysmal to play alone.
FOSFO SEAL OF DISAPPROVAL (If you really want it, buy over 60% discount)

I had waited so long for something similar to Skies of Arcadia... This... This gets VERY NEAR.
Thank you for this game.

POKEMON WITHOUT NINTENDO, WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT?
10/10

BESTEST MOST GOODEST RPG EVER