Seneste anmeldelser af El Buhdai

Ignoring how boring, unbalanced, and uninspired this garbage is, it's a Pay-to-Win game that has been lingering in Early Access and abusing that system FOREVER. What more needs to be said?

I don't feel like reviewing Starbound is worth my time, so instead, I'll tell you the story of a tiger; a glorious tiger named "StoundBar".


As a cub, Stoundbar's bright colorful fur astounded everyone, and shined bright against all the other tigers around her. Tigers everywhere thought she would be the legend among them.

As she neared adolescence, her outstanding talent showed itself. Were there already fast tigers in the community? Sure, but Stound was faster. Were there tigers who were experts at hunting? Sure, but she brought in more game than anyone else. It became clear that she had potential.

And then it happened...

A circus came to her habitat and was swiping up other tigers, but when they saw Stoundbar, they stopped in their tracks. They released the other tigers and took her instead. Off to the circus. The circus... named "♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥"

At ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, her talent was displayed. Her best qualities; her running, her hunting skills, and others were all showcased for small audiences at first; introductory gigs where people got an exclusive glimpse of Stoundbar's excellence. Other acts, performances; other animals fell in her shadow. All people wanted to see was Stoundbar.

After awhile, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ began a fundraiser to develop Stoundbar's talents even further. Apparently, word of StoundBar's unique talent and glory had spread internationally, so their fundraiser raked in millions. By that time, they had their own place for their increasingly popular shows, but they decided that, with these new funds, a change of location was in order. Over almost the course of a year, they moved to a new location, and excitement for StoundBar waned the longer they took.

When they finally moved, however, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Circus' popularity died, and with it, Stoundbar's did too.

And then came the abuse...

With Chucklefish--err, I mean.. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ seeking a desperate revival of Stoundbar's audience and notoriety, they began to beat and batter the last remnants of her brilliance out of her over time. They spent months at a time between shows pumping her with harmful steroids and hormones to try and boost her lore. Enhancements which seemed amazing on the surface were soon revealed to be harmful for her in reality. For about a month after Stoundbar, with her brand-new enhancements, were exposed to the world, her fans returned to the stadium. However, they got bored and stopped attending shows once again.

Eventually, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ fell into a depressing pattern; a downward spiral of desperate enhancements for Stoundbar which slowly began to kill her. The fans, however, rush back temperarily (in increasingly small numbers) and then retreat to other shows in only a matter of weeks.

Stoundbar's fur suddenly didn't seem so bright;
Her talents.. no longer special.

Starbound's era passed prematurely, and for that... all thanks can be given to the poor management of Chucklefish.

I was one of her fans; there from the first show she gave to the massive, cheering crowds.. and now all I can say is.. show's over kids, now it's time to move on to the next great act.

EDIT: 1.0 drops soon, and I will play it. If it's good, I'll change my review, if not, I ain't changin' a thing. Also, to anyone who might be confused by all of my hours in this game, it's because I've had it since the day it came out and I played every update and played a lot with my ex girlfriend and Steam friends. I've had a lot of fun, but I still don't recommend someone buys it now as it was actually more fun when I got it and got 10 runtime errors in that same day than it is now. They've put a leash on the freedom that this game once had, so I say you shouldn't touch it now.

EDIT: I couldn't be bothered to play 1.0 when it came out because I didn't care. However, the 1.3 update enticed me, so I decided to play it. Frankly, this update should have marked 1.0, but I'll go in greater depth with that in the full re-review when I'm done with the game. I still can't say I like what this game became, but this update certainly made it come much closer. Full re-review soon.

Doesn't even get past 100% loaded without crashing lol. I was interested in purchasing the full game...

EDIT: Turns out it was just one of the many wonky Java-related issues. I got the game started and I really like it. I'll write a review of the paid game and put a link to it here when I do (they're basically the same game as of now.)

*Shuts off computer after telling Emile goodbye prematurely*
*Hears the infamous Windows XP Shutdown noise*
*lets out a long sigh and and lays head down on desk, thinking of what could have been*
*tears coat eyes*
No satisfying ending, no happiness, no glorious love story of the underdog taking the princess. Just.. self-loathing, disappointment; depression.
Move on.
Move on.
You can do better than her.
*the tears start rolling*
*You think: "Well that sucked."*

Think Mario kart, but with an extra feature: FUN

This game has the longest lasting appeal of all high score-based arcade games for me (excluding Beat Hazard Ultra). I've been playing it on and off over the years because the gameplay is just so high quality. Why do I say it's score-based? Well, while the levels are fun and certainly provide a great challenge that leads the player on one of the smoothest and least noticeable increases in difficulty of any game I've played, they get repetitive and lose their appeal to me. What hasn't lost its appeal to me yet, however, is Survival. It's not like a phone game where your best run will be maybe 5 minutes max. In this game, my best run was about a half-hour if I remember correctly, and ~2600 men fell beneath my fist. That is where the game really shines for me. I'm only playing the levels out of curiosity more than anything. Anyway, enough rambling on from me. Let's get some quick pros and cons because I don't have much time.

Pros:
- Heart-thumping, intense, polished, satisfying, quality gameplay
- Excellent survival mode which includes the occasional opportunity to regain health (but it still has to be hard earned)
- Feels like combat, even though your character almost teleports to each position and attack.
- Weapon spinning is so well-timed that your character really looks like something out of a Jackie Chan movie when he's spinning his staff a little between hits. It's seamless and looks awesome!

Cons:
- Most of the game's sound design is bland and in mono (literally the only stereo sounds are outside of the actual gameplay and are found in the menu)
- The sound quality of the music is terrible because it was forced into mono, and they sound like low bitrate .mp3 files
- A little too much UI and the visual design and graphics are all over the place
- Unfortunately, there's no theater mode to watch any of your survival runs or level plays, which means if you wanna see your fights and admire them, you gotta do it with a lot of UI slapped on top and you gotta do it in the heat of battle, which is never easy later on when things get fast.

A nice-sized list of cons, sure, but it doesn't matter because the gameplay makes up for all of it. You can mute the lukewarm action music and just play this video in the background when doing survival ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKlmCLaMm7s&list=PLBdlwZZiI5OitpGCNT7zf_VwOYn78SQnr&index=1 ), or songs by Two Steps From Hell and Audiomachine. I really want a sequel with a more sleek UI, more thick and satisfying sound design, a more focused art and graphics direction (I don't mind stickmen or simple graphics, they just need to pick a style and stick to it..), and a mobile version to go with it (which can be linked to the PC version for syncing and playing on the go) that isn't controlled by a profit-driven publisher that forces that addition of energy systems and other mobile bs, while allowing the game to have terrible performance.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling. Buy this game, I don't think you'll regret it, even at $5.

Play Time Clickers if you like games that _____.

1...are 100% free with no microtransactions
2...have a super quick tutorial that all of a sudden lets you loose into the real game without you even realizing it until you have 30 quadrillion credits.
3...run well on pretty much everything
4...can sync your saves across several platforms like iOS, Android (I think), Your Internet Browser, and Steam
5...are insanely addictive
6...have a well designed sense of progression in some places, and terrible progression in others
7...send you back in time to reset your progress while allowing you to get back to where you were much more quickly each time.
8...have skill tree upgrades
9...have "minion" upgrades and level progression
10...have infectious music, graphics, and sound effects that all somehow work together nicely to create a game that you will come back to over and over

6.7/10

Very tactical and strategical game. If you like things like Rainbow Six, you may find this appealing too.

If they released a patch that took out all the bugs, you could sue them for selling a faulty product.

Play Teeworlds if you like games that _____.

1...will run on Ahmed's Clock at 120fps
2...are balanced and action packed
3...are entirely based on skill
4...you can't blame for your lack of said skill
5...cost nothing at all with no hidden transactions
6...somehow maintained their community for years
7...aren't full of a bunch of snot-wads and jizz-bags
8...have absolutely no bugs to speak of
9...only take up about as much hard drive space as a few mp3 song files
10...you have nothing to lose by trying :)

Ignore my playtime, I'll definitely be playing this for more than 0.8 hours. :)
EDIT: Didn't happen (lmao). I only played it for .1 hour more. gg.