Who am I? What am I? I’m the chosen one, the "threat", The Timekiller, Liz Phair's Supernova, the Liu Kang, another Weasley in Gryffindor, the Return of Optimus Prime because Rodimus was a passive-aggressive ♥♥♥♥♥. What can I do? I can leap abstact concepts in a single bound, I’m faster than Booger on an Omega Moo, and I’m strong enough for a man, but made for a woman, most times. I’m a phrase turner, a pop culture wizard that can accio left field references like Pinhead can summon chains. I might not say anything specific but by the time I’m done you’ll know I’ve at least said something. My thoughts are on speed and got A.D.D. I got ideas brewin’ in my brain like a coffee shop and layin’ eggs like a mother alien and one by one they hatch and latch onto your face and burrow into your brain and when you least expect it, my words are gonna creep on you like a phantom and you’ll be clutching your forehead screaming “Why?! WHY?!?!” What I’m gonna do is pull off some crazy juxtaposition like Dr. FRANK-EN-STEEN in his lab doin’ the monster mash and make people's jaws drop and think “Did he just drop a reference to Stone Cold Steve Austin next to a Thoreau quote?” And yes I did, and I’ll do it again, because your guess is as good as mine when the only point to this is to introduce you to me, to give ya the head's up that just like in Jurassic Park, there’s oohing and ahhhing now but there’ll be screaming and running later.

Never Miss The Mantra:

Get Down
Drink It Up
Bring It On
Take It Off