Well, hon hon hon, let me explain in steps.

1) Inhale as much cigarette smoke as normal people do oxygen.
2) Drink wine as replacement for all necessary fluid intake.
3) Wear a beret and a stupid scarf.
4) Never stop complaining.
5) Don't bathe, wash hands, or comply to sanitary standards.
6) Forget manners, and be as rude as your heart desires.
7) Who needs several instruments to make music? Listen only to the accordion.
8) Damn Americans.
9) In the event of any conflict, immediately surrender. It helps to carry around a pocket white flag.
10) Enjoy meal after meal of gourmet food, but do not end up fat like those, Damn Americans!
11) Display the utmost disapproval of speaking or associating with the English language.
12) To get the accent right, drop every recognizable sound to the point of non-comprehension.
13) Cheese, cheese, and more cheese.
14) Discontent with the current government? Start to revolt. Vive la revolution!
15) For the women out there, do not shave, let those filthy strands of hair fly wild.

After reading and enacting all the steps above, you should now be French. Be wary of the threat of
non French who will attempt to undermine your newly found French way of life.