Recent reviews by Minstrels Mmmmm

Masterpiece. No other words are needed.

10/10 masterpiece. Loved being able to only play 1 game mode even though it's been out for 4 months.

Why does this ever have a mostly positive rating?

Best game ever made, even ask Jamie

Masterpiece...

The song Tribute by Tenacious D is about this good game.

what a good multiplayer experience this was

This game is genuinely the most boring, crap, piece of ♥♥♥♥ on the planet. There is no story line whatsoever, just some pointless ♥♥♥♥♥ about how you've got some super suit, which does ♥♥♥♥ all btw, and how your auntie died. I could write a better story with some dirt and some dug mucus. Do yourself a favour and don't buy this completely rubbish, wank stain, cat ♥♥♥♥.

This game is absolute utter ♥♥♥♥♥. How this game has a 'very positive' on Steam is beyond me. The gameplay mechanics are somehow clunky and broken at times even though they were fine in the last one. The 'new' mechanics are few and far between and add nothing but pure frustration. The story has to be one of the worst in gaming history, the start is fine and mildly intresting but as the game goes on it just becomes stupid and pointless, the enemies of the game have multiple oppurtunities to kill Lara but never take it for absolutely no reason, your allies just like you, once again for no reason other than they think you'll help them even though more of them seem to die when you start 'helping' them. As the game goes on the story just becomes more and more predictable until you get to the ending where the choices made make absolutely no sense and help no-one and make the whole game a giant waste of time. Geniuine utter ♥♥♥♥♥♥ bawsack crap

A list of all aspects of this game:

1. The entire game is just side missions, literally just offline The Division but slighlty less ♥♥♥♥♥.

2. The ending is completely retarded and makes you wish you hadn't spent 28 hours doing pointless side mission ♥♥♥♥♥ just to get that pish. A better ending to the game would be your character building a time machine and going back to the start and killing their past self so that they don't have to endure this boring ♥♥♥♥♥.

3. The characters in the Edens Gate cult are the only interesting thing about the game... except when you only see them once or twice in the entire game depending on what region you're in.

4. Why would the American Government (or whoever it is that sends your character into this place) send a marshall, a deputy, some lassie and a sheriff to arrest the leader of a massive cult, makes too much sense.

5. Ubisoft are ♥♥♥♥ at making games.

6. Game has a never ending supply of buggy ♥♥♥ stains all over this masterpiece.

7. Guns are genuinely worthless.

8. When you gain some notoriety in a region, the cult send planes to hunt you down and get you pure killed... except that whenever they do, eight out of ten times, the planes just crash in the middle of nowhere for absolutely no reason.

9. Fishing is damn near ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ impossible

10. The most brilliantly optimised game ever created, constantly getting frame drops even when ♥♥♥♥ all is happening on the screen.

11. Game teaches you how to get started on a path to becoming a professional serial killer with the only fun things to kill being the animals in the game.

12. Sometimes when using the wingsuit, genuinely just skiffing a branch will kill you, and other times you can go face first into cars and will survive it.

13. Game shows us just how retarded Americans really are.

10/10 - Still better than Primal

Pointless and ♥♥♥♥♥, i mean definitely no that.