I can lift a fully-grown horse above my head, and I can hold my breath for ten minutes.
To settle a wager, I once ate a pound of P.B. Fouke's strongest badger poison and then ran a mile in the nude.
I cannot feel pain, and I can see for two miles unaided by a lens.
No man can kill me. I have beaten a man of every race in formal combat, including a Turk, a Pygmy African Man and a rare Deepwater Jew.
A medical doctor and two priests have written and signed a document confirming that I have no soul.
There is no species of fauna in America which I have not personally killed and skinned.
I will never sire a child because I loathe women.
I bathe only once a year in an icy pond.
I have burnt down one church per month for the last thirty years, and I will never be brought to justice because all lawmen fear me.
I was once sponsored by the CRUNK energy drink company for sailing. I imagine I was the only sailor on their list. I emailed them saying that I sailed and asked if they wanted me to put stickers on my boat. They sent me a few cases of the drink, t shirts, hats, the works. My car was known as the crunk-mobile.