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67 of 89 (75%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2014 @ 11:39am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 6 Dec, 2014 @ 1:42am

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 6 Dec, 2014 @ 1:25am

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked 2 May, 2015 @ 9:40am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 6 Dec, 2014 @ 1:35am

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.
Unlocked 31 Dec, 2014 @ 4:10am

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 1 Nov, 2014 @ 8:47am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 6 Dec, 2014 @ 1:40am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 28 Dec, 2014 @ 7:57am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2014 @ 8:59am

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2014 @ 12:06pm

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked 31 Dec, 2014 @ 2:05am

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked 26 Apr, 2015 @ 3:56am

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
Unlocked 14 Dec, 2016 @ 1:34pm

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 2 May, 2015 @ 9:52am

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked 2 May, 2015 @ 10:27am

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
Unlocked 7 Jan, 2016 @ 6:57am

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 2 May, 2015 @ 9:44am

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked 15 May, 2015 @ 7:29am

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2014 @ 11:16am

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 2 May, 2015 @ 10:14am

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 6 Dec, 2014 @ 2:09am

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Unlocked 28 Dec, 2014 @ 7:52am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 31 Dec, 2014 @ 4:16am

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 2 May, 2015 @ 10:06am

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 2 May, 2015 @ 9:13am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 31 Dec, 2014 @ 2:08am

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 31 Dec, 2014 @ 1:45am

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.
Unlocked 14 Dec, 2016 @ 12:50pm

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 2 May, 2015 @ 9:47am

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2014 @ 8:56am

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Unlocked 31 Dec, 2014 @ 4:14am

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked 2 May, 2015 @ 9:15am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 28 Dec, 2014 @ 8:00am

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2014 @ 7:38am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 7 Dec, 2014 @ 1:19am

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked 15 May, 2015 @ 6:58am

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Unlocked 31 Dec, 2014 @ 1:30am

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 2 May, 2015 @ 10:45am

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 22 Jun, 2015 @ 4:42am

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2014 @ 9:01am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 1 Nov, 2014 @ 8:55am

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 1 Nov, 2014 @ 8:53am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 6 Dec, 2014 @ 1:59am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 1 Nov, 2014 @ 1:25pm

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 28 Dec, 2014 @ 7:45am

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 1 Nov, 2014 @ 8:52am

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 30 Dec, 2014 @ 8:27am

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Unlocked 2 May, 2015 @ 10:57am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 31 Dec, 2014 @ 1:59am

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked 31 Oct, 2014 @ 10:36am

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.
Unlocked 16 May, 2015 @ 1:49am

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.
Unlocked 2 May, 2015 @ 9:56am

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.
Unlocked 13 May, 2015 @ 7:48am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 12 May, 2015 @ 9:31am

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
Unlocked 28 Dec, 2014 @ 8:03am

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.
Unlocked 26 Apr, 2015 @ 3:57am

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked 7 Jan, 2016 @ 7:00am

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.
Unlocked 10 Jan, 2016 @ 8:12am

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.
Unlocked 10 Jan, 2016 @ 10:13am

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.
Unlocked 14 Dec, 2016 @ 2:10pm

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.
Unlocked 10 Jan, 2016 @ 9:21am

Ladies Love Cake

Defeated your hateful ex-wife with delicious cake.
Unlocked 10 Jan, 2016 @ 10:11am

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
Unlocked 14 Dec, 2016 @ 1:39pm

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
Unlocked 7 Jan, 2016 @ 6:56am

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
Unlocked 10 Jan, 2016 @ 9:50am

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Unlocked 10 Jan, 2016 @ 9:52am



Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
23 / 30
+9

9 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked