Go and get a job, go and find a flat. Find somebody else, put them in the flat, make them stay. Get a toaster, go to work, get on the bus, look at your boss, say f*ck, sit down, pick up the thing, go blank, scream internally, go home, listen to the radio, look at the other person and think why, why did this happen. Go to bed, lie awake at night, get up, feel groggy, put things on, your clothes, whatever they're called, go out the door, in to work, same thing, same people again; it is real, its happening to you. Go home again, sit, radio, dinner, hm. Gardening gardening GARDENING death.