23 y/o
Dark humor best humor
Why did the 3 year old african child cry? - He was having a midlife crisis
RIP E-Dubble, Stephen Hawking, Stefán Karl Stefánsson, Stan Lee, Stephen Hillenburg, Etika, Sean Lock, Norm MacDonald, Gilbert Gottfried, Coolio, Pelé
Gaunter O'Dimm is the best waifu.



- Playing since Season 1
- Diamond since season 3 (Breaks inbetween)
- 2493 all time peak (Season 16)
- Pretty much stopped playing ranked after Season 20


-It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without using violence. -Confucius
-Holding shift a little too long is the typed equivalent of a voice crack.
- Actual eye contact would be rather disgusting.
- If you get a bigger bed in your bedroom, you have more bed room, but less bedroom.
- Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars
cause children.
-If a piece of paper were folded 42 times, it would reach to the moon.
-Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.
-The first person to do a cover of a song is the most original, unorignal person ever.
-We had nuclear bombs before we had coloured television.
-If animals don't wanna be eaten, then why are they made out of food?
-There are known knowns, there are known unknowns, but are there also unknown unknowns?
-Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest. Too many
however have been proven to be deadly.
-Too many birthdays can kill you.
-You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
-Just beacuse you're trash doesn't mean you can't do it. It's called trash can not trash cannot.
-Today is the oldest you've been but also the youngest you'll ever be again.
-If you spill coffee on a shirt, is it still a T-shirt?
-If a jewish football coach switches teams, does he still want his quarterback?
-A nut for a jar of tuna read backwards is A nut for a jar of tuna.
-If tomato is a fruit, doesn't that make ketchup a smoothie?
-Why do feet smell, and noses run?
-Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a great hand.
-A kiss makes my whole day, anal makes my hole weak.
-Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know this so it goes on flying anyway.
-Skill is when luck becomes a habit.
-Common sense is not that common.
-Whether you think you can, or think you cant, you're right
-The number of people older than you will never increase, but is constantly decreasing.
-Baby gates are the exact equivalent to - This area is locked until you've gained more exp.
-Did you know? Left handed people have a higher chance of finishing their exam on time than people with no hands.
-I wonder what places I have already visited for the last time.
-Information is a difference that makes a difference.
-[German] Am deutschen Wesen mag die Welt genesen.
-Death would be infinitely scarier if it only happened to some people and not others.
-If you ever find the perfect hiding spot, then you never actually found the perfect hiding spot.
-WARNING: Adblock makes you unattractive to women. I just installed it and now all the horny singles in my area have suddenly lost interest.
-How can you face your problems if your problem is your face.
-It sucks when I read read as read and not read, so I have to re-read read as read so I can read read correctly and it can make sense.
-My GF is like the square root of -100. A solid 10, but also imaginary.
-Why is it called a building if its already built?
-A group of squid should be called a squad.
-It took me 17 years to realize that "be there or be square" is because you're not a-round.
-Knowing the kind of society we live in today, if a zombie apocalypse actually happened, there would probably be zombie rights activists.
-The end of 2017 was the end of 90s kids.
-Who are the fastes readers in the world? - 9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
-Why can't T-rexes clap? Because they're extinct.
-Whats the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on
a tricicle? - A tire (Attire if you're too ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ stupid to understand you little moron jk love you Ali)
-Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term.
-My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So i packed up my stuff and right
-Modern art = I could do that + Yeah, but you didn't.
-It makes me really uncomfortable that 12am comes before 11am.
-Last night i got asked out by not one, not two, but zero people.
-Cleopatra was born closer to the moon landing than when the pyramids were built.
-Dont cry because it's over, smile because it happened. -Dr Seuss
-Be yourself, everyone else is already taken. -Oscar Wilde
-From now on, I will start calling fat people horizontally challenged, just sounds more eloquent.
-Always remember: you're unique, just like everyone else.
-Fear is a beautiful emotion. The more you feel it, the more you don't.
-What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? - A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
-There are 3 types of different rings in a marriage. 1. The engagement ring, 2. the wedding ring, and 3. the suffering
-It's not Waterboarding, it's a tactical Baptism.
-The wise man speaks because he has something to say, the fool speaks because he has to say something.
-You can never be 100% sure that you're not immortal until you die.
- I don't trust stairs, they're always up to something
-The only time the word "incorrectly" isn’t spelled incorrectly is when it's spelled "incorrectly".
-The first person who ever tried to milk a cow was probably very brave, curious or desperate.
-When you clean your vacuum, you’re just making your vacuum cleaner.
-Nothing is on fire. Fire is on things.
-Painkillers are the "Mute Notification" option for the body.
-Why aren't iPhone chargers called Apple juice?
-When you drink alcohol, you're just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.