I was driving with a friend
I grab his leg instead of the gearstick
We both laugh and I unzip his pants
I park the car while fondling with his balls, my friend is laughing because he knows it's a joke and we're just friends
I start sucking his ♥♥♥♥ and was about to choke on it because I'm laughing so hard
My friend is also laughing his ass off, he starts making train noise while yelling "BROJOB BROJOB CHOO CHOO"
He then ♥♥♥♥ and then I swallow it all and kiss him while both laughing cuz we know it's a joke.
Gotta love making jokes with my friends bro.

thanks for carrying me in minecraft

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

My grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, “if you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately”. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- “Don’t ever smoke, please don’t put your family through what your grandfather put us through”. I agreed. At 18, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your steam profile gave me cancer anyways.

Went to his house, sat down and watched Spongebob.
20 minutes in and he hands me a drink.
I drink it and think nothing of it.
Get really sleepy and want to go home about 5 minutes later.
He grabs me and drags me upstairs.
I can't move.
Last thing I remember is being thrown on a bed.
Woke up next day not being able to walk properly.
8/10 Spongebob was good.
+rep would go again

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